I think we all expect a level of professionalism from the doctors that we see, and we want them to be competent as well as respectful.
So, how would you feel if your doctor questioned your spouse about why they married you, before making a comment about you being a burden?
This woman has cerebral palsy, which is a disorder that’s caused by damage or abnormal development to the brain. It can impact posture, movement, and balance, and for her, it mainly interferes with her ability to walk.
She can get around independently, and her life looks very normal considering her condition. She has been with her husband for three years, and they have a blended family with five kids (three are not her husband’s).
Her husband isn’t her caregiver because she is entirely capable of completing daily tasks all alone. She has a diver’s license and doesn’t require walking aids.
Not too long ago, she and her husband started seeing the same doctor. She’s been three times to see this man and found him quite useful.
“I had noticed he seemed very interested in my disability and would often ask questions about it and whether I had support, but I assumed he was just being thorough,” she explained.
Today, her husband went to see their doctor to address some problems he’s been having with his stomach. While her husband was there, the doctor brought up some mental health topics with him, but that was not the point of the appointment.
She was not present in the room, as she was outside waiting with their daughter, so she did not overhear the conversation, but her husband filled her in later.
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“According to my husband, the doctor asked him, ‘Why did you marry your wife?’ My husband said because he loves me, and then the doctor apparently said something along the lines of, ‘With her disability and 5 kids, that’s a lot to take on. You realize when she’s older, you’ll have a lot to do as she ages,'” she added.
“My husband thinks I’m overreacting because they had been discussing different stressors in his life, and believes the doctor was just talking about responsibilities and support systems.”
“I understand that possibility, but I can’t get past how hurtful it feels to hear my disability described as something my husband ‘took on,’ or as a future burden he’ll have to manage. He also said, ‘Not many men would do what you do, you’re a good man.'”
She’s feeling very hurt that there was a whole conversation that wasn’t meant to be about her, and she was not there in person to even weigh in, defend herself, or give context.
She thinks her doctor views her through the lens of her disability, and not as a person, wife, or mom. She’s left wondering if she’s allowed to be so upset by what her doctor said.
She kind of wants to alert the clinic to what happened.
What her doctor did was beyond inappropriate, and he should have kept his thoughts to himself. She should absolutely file a complaint with the clinic and then find a new doctor to see who won’t judge her for being disabled.
This is such a shame because every doctor should show compassion to their patients instead of making them seem like a hindrance or dead weight to their spouse.
What do you think she should do?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
