If your dad cheated on your mom, went on to have kids with his affair partner, and then his family pressured you to adopt the kids after they landed in foster care, what would you do?
17 years ago, this 26-year-old man’s mom was sadly in an accident that left her with life-altering injuries. His mom spent several months in the hospital, and then his dad hired a nurse to care for her at home.
“Ultimately, my mom’s injuries were too severe, and she died when I was ten. For at least three months prior to her death, my father had been having an affair with my mom’s nurse, and the two of them grew more obvious about it in the final month of my mom’s life,” he explained.
“There was a big fight between my father and my mom’s family after Mom died. Lots of accusations, lots of yelling and cursing, and my father went absolutely nuts on them for reporting the nurse to her agency, because the agency had rules against dating the spouse or immediate family of someone you are caring for.”
His mom’s nurse got fired, and his dad was outraged that his mom’s loved ones stood up to them. He grew to hate his dad and the nurse for hurting his mom and watching their relationship blossom as his mom lay dying.
His dad literally told him he had to treat the nurse like gold, but he didn’t do that, and his dad would punish him. His dad also stated that he was marrying the nurse regardless of whether he was happy about it or not.
So the timeline of his dad’s new relationship went like this: his dad cheated on his mom months before she passed, which he became aware of.
Next, his mom passed away, and the fight with her family went down. Days after his mom passed, the nurse moved in with him and his dad.
Two months later, his dad proposed to the nurse. Four months after the engagement, his dad married the nurse. His dad and the nurse spent years trying to start a family while forcing him into therapy to change his tune.
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“I resisted and had a very toxic relationship with them both. I was 16 when my father agreed to let me live with my maternal grandparents because I was blamed for the affair partner’s infertility issues,” he added.
“I didn’t see or speak to them again after that. They ended up having two children. Their first was born when I was 18/19 and their second when I was 20.”
He never met his half-siblings, and in April, his dad passed away. The nurse abandoned the children, and his dad’s family members fought over who should take them in.
The kids went into foster care, and his dad’s family members are still arguing amongst themselves while insisting that he and his wife should adopt them.
He married his wife three years ago, and they want kids of their own. They have excellent jobs and are stable, which seems to be why his dad’s family believes he should adopt the kids.
He will never take these kids in, and he wants to keep them out of his life. However, his dad’s loved ones keep pressuring him to change his mind.
His aunt has sent his wife messages asking her to help get him to say yes to adopting the kids. His wife told her no way, so his aunt dropped the subject.
He told his dad’s family to quit arguing and work together to care for the kids, as that’s a possibility for them. He’s been ignoring his dad’s family members since, but he’s thinking it could be time to block them.
“And in case anyone wants to know about the maternal side of the kids’ family. They wanted nothing to do with those kids’ mom after she lost her job for sleeping with a patient’s husband,” he continued.
“A lot of that was brought around me, and I can guarantee none of them will want those children either.”
He already told his dad’s family members they could come together and raise the kids if they wanted to. Since they’re failing to do that, it shouldn’t be on him to step up for those kids.
It’s perfectly fine to let them be in foster care, too. He shouldn’t let anyone try to sway him into adopting them at all. Oh, and he totally should block all of his dad’s family members.
What advice do you have for him?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
