If you were dating someone who was going to start a fertility process with a serial cheater, as they were that desperate to have kids, would you stay with them?
This man has a wonderful girlfriend, and he’s been with her for a month so far. His girlfriend’s age has left her feeling like she urgently has to have a baby.
She has a very aggressive timeline for trying, which is greatly stressing their brand-new relationship. While he has told his girlfriend that he’s interested in having children in the future, she wants them right now, and she’s not willing to wait.
“Right before she met me, she made an arrangement with a guy to get pregnant by him. The catch? This guy has a long-term girlfriend who has absolutely no idea,” he explained.
“On top of that, he is sleeping with at least five other women behind his girlfriend’s back. When my girlfriend and I started dating, she paused contact with him.”
“However, because she has difficulties conceiving, they still have a hospital appointment scheduled for this coming September to officially start the fertility/donor process together. I am having a massive moral and emotional dilemma with this.”
Honestly, he thinks this guy is a dirtbag, since he is ruining his own girlfriend’s trust. He’s also upset by his girlfriend constantly defending this man and his behavior.
Since he doesn’t want to lose his girlfriend, he’s come up with three different compromises for her that he knows he can actually live with.
His first suggestion is for his girlfriend to let them take their time and see how their relationship plays out, and then he will be ready to start trying for a baby with her (but of course, this doesn’t exactly meet her ASAP deadline to have a baby).
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His second solution is to ask his girlfriend to find a clinic and an anonymous donor for her baby, which would make him feel better than her using the serial cheater as a baby daddy.
His final option is to request that his girlfriend ask her gay best friend to be her donor, as this man has already generously offered to do that for her.
“I can find peace with any of those options, except for that specific guy. She knows where I stand, and I know where she stands. We’ve decided to take a one-week break from communicating to let everything sink in before we talk again,” he added.
“My dilemma is twofold: If she ultimately chooses to go ahead with *him* in September, our relationship is over. But if that happens, I feel a strong moral obligation to inform his girlfriend about his serial cheating and the fact that he’s trying to father children outside their relationship. His girlfriend is actively being exposed to health risks (STDs).”
“Would I be the [jerk] if I told her? Is it even realistic to hope we can move past this after our week of reflection, or is this already an insurmountable red flag just one month in?”
The fact that he’s already on a break with his girlfriend to work through this means they’re already over and done with. It’s ludicrous that his girlfriend wants a baby so badly that she’s ready to have one with another man instead of waiting around for him to feel ready to do that with her.
And they’ve only been dating for a month, so there’s that. It would not be a good idea for him to rush his own timeline for having children to make his girlfriend happy, which I’m worried he might just do in order to try to keep her.
This whole situation is so messy that he should really walk away from his girlfriend and let her have a baby with that serial cheater.
I really wonder if she’s one of the girls that guy is cheating with, because it makes no sense for her to want to have a baby with that man.
Oh, and yes, he should tell that poor guy’s girlfriend, because if my man was ready to pursue a fertility process with another woman, I would hit the roof.
What advice do you have for him?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
