How many dates would you need to go on to feel like you have enough information to determine if you have a spark with someone or not?
This 27-year-old man has been seeing a girl the same age as him a lot throughout the past several weeks. They have gone out on seven official dates, they text one another nonstop, they have sleepovers, and they have slept together multiple times.
Since things have been going so well between them, he thought it was time to make a move on committing to her.
“The vibes have seemed great, and I was starting to really like her, and so I brought up the fact that I’d like to be exclusive, and she hesitated and eventually agreed, but then said that she felt no romantic connection,” he explained.
“She also mentioned that our texts were super platonic and boring, that I seemed distant sometimes, and that I was bad at expressing any sort of romantic interest (even saying she’d [do something to] herself if she had to be in a long-distance relationship with me because of how bad my texting is).”
“We do often only text about our days and what we’re doing, but there’s not much left to talk about when we’re in literal constant communication. She also initiates texts like this.”
He’s felt awkward ever since getting rejected after trying to make her his girlfriend, and he’s unsure of how to move forward here with her.
He truly likes this girl, but he can’t see how she’s blaming him and saying it’s his fault for not feeling the sparks flying. Also, he’s become hyperaware of himself and what he texts her, and he’s been attempting to come up with additional ways to tell her he’s romantically interested in her the next time he sees her face-to-face, but he’s having a hard time.
He’s afraid he might have “no love language.”
She could have let him down in a nicer way, but she didn’t, and instead opted to try to push him away instead of giving him feedback on how to actually improve.
There has to be more to the story than this girl is willing to admit, because nobody goes out on that many dates, sleeps with someone, and then says their texting has killed their attraction.
It just doesn’t add up, but the bottom line is that she does not have any feelings for him, and no amount of texting can change that.
He needs to, unfortunately, accept that she’s just not that into him and move on. Also, let’s not ignore the fact that she really just chose to insult him, and that’s not cool at all.
What advice do you have for him?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
