It’s hard out there as you go through the process of finding your person. For her, losing 200 pounds changed her life, but it’s proving impossible to find a man who isn’t scared off by this accomplishment.
This 34-year-old woman was in a long-term relationship for three years, and it came to an end catastrophically a couple of years ago.
She lived with this man, and she was a stepmom to his three children. He cheated on her right before their wedding day and left her for his coworker.
She lost it all overnight, and then later came to find out he was hiding a problem with drugs. That didn’t really help her heal, though, and it took her forever to move on.
“In the process, I lost 200 lbs. I went from 400 lbs to 200 lbs. I’m 5’5.” Now I’m slowly starting to date again and had a couple [of] guys interested, but as soon as they find out I used to be 400 lbs and lost 200 lbs, I get ghosted,” she explained.
“I’m realizing now maybe I’ve completely screwed myself over, and maybe no one will take me seriously because of it, or they are afraid I could gain all the weight back again.”
“I’m not sure if I continue to try to date at this point, or accept [that], unfortunately, some previous mistakes are difficult for potential partners to look past.”
She avoids telling men in person about her major weight loss because she worries it’s some kind of red flag. But it does eventually come out, mainly when she talks about how she’s into hiking and playing softball lately.
So, here she is, feeling terrible that guys don’t want to date her anymore as soon as they find out that she lost half of her body weight.
She’s not damaged goods, so she has to stop thinking of herself that way, because that’s how she’s coming across to me. But I do think if she’s striking out after telling guys not long into meeting them that she lost 200 pounds, she could either wait until she knows them better before talking about that, or she could simply say she’s been focusing on getting in better shape.
People will judge you for all sorts of things, so who knows, maybe guys are judgmental because that is a lot of weight to lose, and perhaps they think she could gain it all back in time, and they’re concerned about that. It’s definitely shallow, but so many men are.
At the end of the day, it’s an enormous achievement to lose 200 pounds, and she should be proud of herself. She will find a guy who appreciates that and views it as a positive trait to be that committed.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
