Seven years ago, this 31-year-old woman began dating her 36-year-old boyfriend, Jay, and then two years ago, they started living together in a house that she inherited.
Jay does have a 12-year-old son named Jr. from a previous relationship, and she knows he hasn’t been a great dad for the majority of the time that she has been with him.
Jay and his ex, Kelly, never got a formal custody agreement, so Jay only saw Jr. infrequently over the years.
Additionally, she says Jay didn’t make the kind of effort he was capable of making with Jr., which also accounts for him not winning any Father of the Year awards.
Jr. has been diagnosed with autism and ADHD and has been medicated in the past, but due to some problems with insurance, Jr. is no longer on any kind of medication.
Last weekend, Jay needed to work, so she volunteered to watch Jr. The day went great, but then she had to bring Jr. back to Kelly’s house.
Jr. insisted on taking a toy back to Kelly’s that was tiny and messy, with tons of little pieces. She informed Jr. he couldn’t do this, and that started an enormous fight.
As she attempted to take the toy from Jr. so they could leave the house, Jr. became violent with her, pushing and punching.
From there, Jr. tried to leave the house completely, and she was able to stop him, but she now knows that was a terrible idea on her part.
Jr. hit the living room window, and even though she tried to intervene, he ended up breaking it and hurting her further.
“There was a lot of arguing and yelling, and at one point, he even grabbed a knife from the kitchen and stabbed through a baking sheet on the stove,” she explained.
“He did come at me for a moment, but he ended up throwing the knife at the refrigerator. Eventually, Jr. locked himself in his bedroom, hopped out the window, and left the house.”
“This whole fight left me with a bump on my head, some bruising on my arm, and just generally sore from trying to restrain him.”
She quickly called the police to go get Jr. As that was happening, she desperately tried to get a hold of Jay but couldn’t.
She also tried to call Kelly, but the number she had for Kelly was disconnected. Eventually, she got through to Jay, and he went to go meet with the police officers who had picked Jr. up.
Jay then took Jr. back to Kelly’s home, and when he returned, there was a lot of sobbing on her part.
She regrets everything and wishes she just let Jr. take the toy in the first place, which would have avoided this situation.
Jr. is supposed to come live with her and Jay this upcoming summer and maybe stay longer than that.
What happened when it was just the two of them has made her rethink this, and she no longer wants Jr. living in her house until he gets the help he needs and can prove his behavior is better. She’s on the small side, and Jr. is already much taller than she is.
“He’s only going to get bigger,” she said. “I’m honestly worried that this will happen again, and he might actually seriously hurt me or someone else.”
“I don’t feel like we are equipped to give him the help he needs. Also, after talking to Jr.’s mom, Kelly, I found out that Jr. has also punched and hit her on numerous occasions and that the school has given up on him and lets him do whatever he wants because he gets violent with the staff.”
“I told my boyfriend that I don’t want Jr. living here, but he strongly feels that Jr. will not get better if he continues living with his mom, Kelly. I do agree with that, but I feel a little traumatized from the whole situation, and I can’t imagine having to walk on eggshells and be afraid in my own home.”
As a compromise, she suggested that Jay get an apartment for him and Jr., so she can still feel safe and Jay can still live with his son.
Jay got upset with this and said she needs to live with him, or they’re done. She just trying to put her own safety above all else, and she doesn’t see how that’s wrong of her.
Jay has made it clear that if she does not allow Jr. to come live with them, their relationship will be over.
She went back to Jay and said she’s open to talking about this only if Jr. gets help with his anger as fast as possible. Jay has since made appointments with a psychiatrist and therapist for Jr.
“This could be the end of the relationship but it’s really not what Jay wants nor what I want, but I don’t know if we can find a compromise,” she continued.
“Jay feels like I’m running away because it got hard, but I am just trying to prioritize my safety. I would be willing to help in other ways. I do want to help Jay’s son, but I don’t want Jr. to stay in my home.”
What advice do you have for her?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
