Many skeletons are quietly tucked away in closets for generations, but TikToker @luxxsmr is spilling her family secrets. She no longer wants to stay silent so that she can work through her generational trauma and further her healing journey.
She has experienced quite a bit of trauma throughout her life, but for now, we’ll focus on one defining incident.
When she was nine years old, she found out that her mom was the mistress of the pastor of their church, who was married. For many years, she had to attend that church and stay quiet about what she knew.
It was a secret that no child should ever have to keep.
Her mother met their pastor after they moved away from the rest of their family to give her kids a better life. They joined a church, and not too long after that, she learned that her mom was sleeping with the pastor.
She found out when she got up in the middle of the night to go to her mother’s room. They were staying in a sketchy apartment, and she had always felt the need to protect her mom because she received a lot of unwanted male attention.
That night, her mom was not in her room, so @luxxsmr panicked. She looked out the window and saw that her mom’s car was still there.
She stayed up, crying, until the next morning. Then, she saw a car pull up and drop her mom off. It was the same car that was always parked in the pastor’s parking spot at church on Sundays. She questioned her mom about it, but she denied everything.
“I don’t think people understand that when people ask you something like that, it’s because they already know,” said @luxxsmr.
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“And so, as a little girl, I was already knowing, and you’re denying, denying, denying it, totally rewiring my brain right there.”
As a kid, knowing the secret broke her down because she thought about how the pastor’s wife and kids would be affected. She was also scared about what would happen to her if the secret ever got out. She was close friends with the pastor’s niece by marriage, which made her feel even more guilty.
Eventually, she realized that everyone knew about the affair. The pastor’s wife would invite her on shopping trips, take her to the beach, and give her more attention than the other kids whose parents were members of the church.
When she realized this, she tried to talk to her mom about it and begged her to stop, but her mom didn’t want to hear any of it. She began to break her mom’s stuff for attention.
Her mom barely ever spent any time with her, as she was busy with the pastor during her spare time. People began to view her as a problem child, but no one really helped her.
Her mother remained the pastor’s mistress until @luxxsmr turned 18.
Her mom quit her job and ended up having a mental breakdown when she went off to college, so she had to drop out to take care of her.
They lost their house, moved back in with family, and @luxxsmr got addicted to drugs and ended up going to jail. She got clean after eight months and to this day, is continuing to heal from everything she’s been through.
By Emily Chan
Emily Chan is a writer who covers lifestyle and news content. She graduated from Michigan State University with a degree in... More about Emily Chan
