I think we’ve all done things we’re not proud of because we’re human and we make mistakes. Sometimes, in a desperate moment of loneliness or a misguided attempt to feel seen, we reach for a little white lie that accidentally turns into a pitch-black secret.
But how do you look someone in the eye every day when the very thing that finally made them treat you with kindness is nothing but an ugly lie?
A little over four years ago, this woman was dating a guy, and the two of them together were like a rollercoaster ride, since they ran hot and cold.
Their relationship was absorbing, intense, toxic, and passionate. She dated this boyfriend for two years. She was with him from the ages of 19 through 21, while he was 23 to 25, while they were dating.
“We fought, and cried together about our fights, screamed and shoved each other on the street, and then slept together when we made up – all multiple times every week, for the majority of the 2 years we were dating,” she explained.
“As exhausting as this was, we just could not leave each other alone; we’d ‘break up’ for a week, and then he’d drop flowers at my house, and we’d be back together. We were just young, in love, with no understanding that we were simply just not good for each other.”
“Fast forward to the second-to-last breakup, we had a huge fight and stopped talking, and this time it was longer than a week. I missed him, but I couldn’t bring myself to text him first.”
She ended up getting sick during their breakup phase, and she had to go to the hospital, but it wasn’t related to him or their relationship.
While she was hospitalized, a friend she shared with her boyfriend FaceTimed her and saw she was sitting there in a hospital bed. They wanted to know why.
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Now, she can’t tell you why she did this, but she told their mutual friend she had a miscarriage. She’s not sure if she knew that this girl would obviously tell her boyfriend, who would then have to reach out to her over such tragic news.
Maybe that was the real reason, because her boyfriend instantly called her, all upset and demanding to know which hospital she was at. She didn’t tell him, but she did say he shouldn’t worry about her.
“Our friend insists to pick me up and takes me to her house, where I see he has left her with gifts to give me, and a note asking for me to call him when I feel ready – this is where the guilt hits me and I start crying, with my friend thinking it’s because of the miscarriage but I’m just realising my lie got out of hand and I’m just a horrible person,” she added.
“He calls me a few days later, and insists I see him. We meet, and he is absolutely heartbroken about the miscarriage, which is nothing but a lie.”
“But I’m too deep in the lie, and seeing him actually care that much just deterred me further from telling him the truth, so I went with the lie. He tells me he wants to be there for me, and tells me how he went to every nearby hospital that night to find me but couldn’t.”
They got back together and spent another six months dating before ending things for good. And during those six months, the guilt haunted her every single day.
They never talked about the miscarriage she had made up, but her boyfriend truly believed it had happened, and it resulted in them having a healthier bond.
She and her boyfriend didn’t argue; the passion still burned bright for them, but there was no longer a festering toxicity to their connection.
“I couldn’t take the guilt any longer, and decided to break up with him for good as much as I didn’t want to. I felt he deserved better, because I wasn’t going to fess up, but I also couldn’t sleep in bed with him with a lie lying next to us,” she continued.
“He was distraught, asking why and trying to convince me to stay. I ended up travelling overseas solo for 3 months, so this breakup could stay final. We never saw each other again.”
“He’s in a new relationship now, and from what I’ve heard, he’s very happy. I wish him all the best. This has been a dirty secret between the universe and [me] for the last 4 years, until today. I’m sorry, P.”
I don’t think she’s a bad person for lying; she just made a bad choice. And it sounds like her ex isn’t awful either; they just were not a great combination. Some people end up more like oil and vinegar when it comes to love.
While yes, she made a mistake, it sounds like she has learned from it, and that’s all we can do with our time here on earth, isn’t it?
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
