The smell of lavender usually evokes a sense of peace, but for some, it carries the meaning of a carefully constructed secret. In the golden age of Hollywood, lavender marriages were the industry’s open secret; convenient legal unions designed to mask a person’s true orientation behind a veneer of traditional domesticity.
Most people think of these arrangements as historic relics tucked away, but her parents recently confessed to being in a lavender marriage, making them partners in a decades-long performance…and she was the only one who didn’t know the script.
This 16-year-old girl grew up in a unique family. She had her mom, her dad, her 23-year-old sister, and her parents’ friends Josh, Mary, and their 21-year-old son Mike, all living together.
Her mom and dad have lived with Josh and Mary since they graduated from college, so she absolutely has come to view them as a second set of parents. Also, Mike is like an older brother to her, so she’s quite close to everyone.
Now, her dad and Josh met back in childhood and became friends. They are not from America; they’re from a different country.
All along, she’s had no reason to believe that her parents, Josh, and Mary were more than just friends, but recently, they shared some shocking news with her.
“Today, the 4 of them sat the 3 of us down to ‘confess something.’ They confessed that their marriages were lavender, and that my dad and Josh, and my mom and Mary were both in relationships with each other (so, my dad is gay, and my mom is a lesbian),” she explained.
“The reason they pretended like they were straight [was] because of my dad and Josh’s homophobic families. They finally confessed this now because my sister is headed off to college soon.”
“I don’t know what to do now, I can’t decide who I’m the child of. Are my parents my dad and my mom? Or are my parents my dad and Josh? Or my mom and Mary? My siblings seem to feel the same as well. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.”
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By the way, her parents, Josh and Mary, did say that she and her sister are biologically related to them, while Mike is actually from Josh and Mary.
I understand that they shared some big news with her, and it’s going to take some time for her to process the information. However, this shouldn’t change how she views everyone.
Families are not a one-size-fits-all kind of thing; they come in different shapes and sizes. She should feel grateful and lucky to have so many people who love and care about her that she can call her family.
Nothing changes the fact that she basically has two sets of parents who care for her deeply, and that’s quite special.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
