Some decisions are hard because you don’t know what you want. Others are hard because every single option comes with a consequence you’re not ready to face.
So what do you do when the clock is ticking, and every option available to you feels like a risk you’re not sure you can take?
This 22-year-old girl has been with her 24-year-old boyfriend for the last five or six months, but they were not in an exclusive relationship throughout that period of time.
In fact, they started out as just friends with benefits, and only as of late, made the decision to be in a committed relationship with one another.
As soon as they had that chat, she found out that she’s pregnant….with her 38-year-old ex-boyfriend’s baby. She feels horrible for creating such a major mess.
“My new BF knew I was still sleeping with my ex, and I had told him either once I find my own place, or if we agreed to go exclusive, I would stop,” she explained.
“So I didn’t cheat, or anything, me and my new BF were just not exclusive. I have not done a DNA test yet; however, it is almost certain it’s from my ex, as I was sleeping with him unprotected while my new BF [and I have been using protection].”
Her ex wants her to terminate her pregnancy, and meanwhile, her new boyfriend doesn’t believe in that, so he said he’s happy to raise the baby with her.
She’s not sure what to do. While yes, she would like to have children, she’s concerned that if things don’t work with her new boyfriend, or if he has a change of heart about raising her child, he could walk away, leaving her to be a single mom.
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She would hate to put herself in that position and then have to figure everything out all alone, because that would be ten times worse.
“My new BF treats me so well, and I am so mad at myself for putting myself in this situation. I told my BF I was going to think over stuff and tell him my answer, but he is adamant that he doesn’t want to be with me if I [terminate] as well,” she continued.
“My BF wants me to move in with him, and I don’t know if I am ready for that, but I don’t want to live with my ex, so I guess that is better than where I am now.”
“I am so angry at myself that I think I ruined my whole life. I don’t feel right [terminating], and I also don’t feel right being a single mom, so I am leaning towards [keeping] and hoping my BF will help me raise it.”
What a sticky situation! While I applaud her boyfriend for wanting to step up and raise another man’s baby, he’s still so young, and that’s an enormous commitment to make at his age (or really, any age).
Her boyfriend is trying to be noble, but what happens when she gives birth, and he grows tired of changing diapers and realizes just how much work a baby is? Further playing devil’s advocate here, what if she has a baby with special needs?
Sure, none of that might happen, but if it does, she’s going to be further up a creek without a paddle. I think the best thing for her to do is to think about her own wants and needs, as selfish as that is, and stick to whatever she feels is best, even if that means losing her boyfriend. She could always put her baby up for adoption, too, if she does not want to terminate her pregnancy.
She shouldn’t be making decisions about her future based on the man she’s with, and since her boyfriend made his position clear, I’m afraid she might be influenced by that.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
