What would you do if your spouse fell in love with their coworker, then tried to manipulate you into agreeing to an open marriage so they could be with them?
Would you be open to the arrangement despite it never being something you wanted, or would you start packing your bags and leave?
For the last seven years, this 36-year-old woman has been with her 35-year-old husband, and they have been with one another for 15 years in total.
They have a two-year-old child together, and six months after giving birth, her husband blindsided her with a confession: he had developed a crush on his female coworker.
When he told her all of this, she was out in Colorado on a family vacation, and her husband was at home since he refused to take days off work to go.
“Instead, he stayed home and hung out with his crush and her husband 7 of the 9 days that we were gone. I found a therapist who specialized in working with postpartum and new moms,” she explained.
“He didn’t want a therapist. Therapy helped me for a while. I was encouraged to send daily texts of appreciation to my husband and asked him to do the same.”
“We switched off planning a monthly date night. We discussed boundaries with his crush/coworker/friend. Things like limiting his one-on-one time and not texting her. He said things would be challenging since they are friends.”
Several months later, nothing had improved. Her husband kept on maintaining close contact with his coworker. They went to a comedy event together, he still texted with her constantly, and he made every excuse in the book to spend time with this woman.
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His coworker loves running, so he picked it up and participated in a few races. Her husband and his coworker began reading books together and sharing their reads.
One year later, her husband admitted that he still loved her…but had love for his coworker as well.
“We talked about how it can be ok to love your friends a little bit as long as you prioritize your marriage and don’t do anything physical without permission and don’t talk [badly] about your partner to them,” she said.
“However, a few more months went by, and I knew he was still keeping things from me. I found out that about a month before he told me, he confessed his feelings and love to her, and she didn’t turn him down.”
“They secretly started going places together more, like movies, parks, and bookstores. He told me he thinks he found his soulmate.”
To the best of her knowledge, her husband’s coworker hasn’t filled her own husband in on all of this, and she’s on her second marriage.
Her husband and his coworker have chatted at length about how they both think it’s possible to be in love with more than one individual and don’t buy into traditional marriages.
Her husband has recently asked her for an open marriage, or to consider adding his coworker to their relationship, since she’s into men and women.
“I am hurt, confused, lost, scared, and lonely. I am seeking therapy, but he is not. I don’t know what to do and hate feeling like the side dish when she is the entree,” she concluded.
I’m afraid she’s turned into the side chick in her own marriage. She should just divorce her husband so he’s free to pursue his coworker instead of trying to convince him to want her.
Her husband has no respect for her, and I doubt he still loves her since he’s so obsessed with chasing after another woman. It’s not like they entered into non-monogamy in an ethical way, and it’s not something she ever wanted.
It’s just that her husband found someone new and is trying to force her into something that will free him from looking like the bad guy, and that’s not cool.
What advice do you have for her? What would you do if your spouse caught feelings for their coworker?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
