How would you feel if, weeks before your wedding, your partner blindsided you by saying they changed their mind about children, even though they had told you something different for years?
This 28-year-old woman is literally two months away from her wedding, and her 32-year-old fiancé just told her something out of the blue that has her questioning their entire relationship.
They have been together for five years, and they have had a wonderful time together. Her fiancé proposed to her a year ago, and all along, she has told her fiancé that she’s not interested in having kids of her own or being pregnant.
However, she did state that if they have enough money and the timing works out, she is interested in fostering or adopting children in the future. Her fiancé was super supportive of her plan.
But then, when they got engaged, their relationship started to be a bit difficult, which she chalked up to stress surrounding work and college. And it’s not like they haven’t been able to overcome their hardships.
“We are two months away from our wedding. Recently, we were going over things, and he suddenly told me that he wants a biological child to pass on his family name, genetics, and legacy, etc.,” she explained.
“He told me that he knows he can’t force me to have a child and would still marry me if I didn’t change my mind, but that he would die with lifelong regret and heartbreak if we didn’t have a biological child.”
“I tried to be understanding while pointing out that he has never mentioned this sudden and specific desire and that I would not be changing my mind on this. He was very upset that I was not as upset about this as he was; I tried to bring up that we could be parents to an adopted child and that I would be happy to do this.”
Her fiancé insisted that an adopted kid will never be equal to a biological one, and it would make him feel incomplete as a dad. He also addressed how an adopted kid wouldn’t help him pass his legacy on.
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Now, her dad is not related to her, but she loves him with all of her heart, so hearing what her fiancé said deeply hurt her feelings.
They obviously couldn’t come to a solution that worked, so they finally just switched the topic. Since then, they have attempted to talk about the whole kids thing again, but she has no clue what to do here.
She’s wondering what caused her fiancé to change his mind out of nowhere, and she hates the way their conversation about kids ended.
“I don’t want to break up because I love him so much, and I was so excited about getting married, but this is a big thing. How do I bring this up again? What do I say? Is there anything we can do to fix this?” she wondered.
I’m so sorry to say this, but calling off the wedding is the only thing to do, because there is no compromise when it comes to children if one partner wants them and the other doesn’t.
Their marriage will be nothing but painful and full of resentment if they go through with it. It’s ok for people to change their minds about important milestones like kids, but that doesn’t mean a healthy relationship is still possible.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
