How would you feel if your partner treated you like some kind of a threat to their legacy because your health problems put a stop to trying for a baby?
For years, this 40-year-old woman and her 38-year-old husband have discussed having children, and it’s one of the main reasons they even got married at all.
Back in 2020, they learned that she had an autoimmune disorder and severe kidney issues, which would have been hard on her or the baby or both of them if she did get pregnant.
She was cleared to try for a baby, though, so they did explore a variety of methods for five years straight, but they still couldn’t have a baby.
“As time has gone on, my kidneys have gotten worse. I won’t bore you with all the details, but in May of 2025, my kidney’s rate of decline increased unexpectedly,” she explained.
“At that point in time, my husband and I had done our 2nd IUI cycle and were about to start our first IVF cycle. By this point, I had decided I would not be able to survive a pregnancy, and we needed to do a surrogate if this worked.”
“We did the IVF cycle. They got 4 eggs, but none of them were viable. I was crushed. Then I got a biopsy. As it turns out, no explanation why kidneys did what they did, but I have been on dialysis since July 2025 (home hemo…not like it’s a brag, but at the same time, I feel like it is).”
She is currently on a kidney transplant list, but realistically, it will most likely take her five years, and that’s if she’s lucky. Her health has improved, and she did see a therapist.
She even talked to her family members and friends for additional support as she’s battled her health problems, so she is in a much better place.
Sign up for Chip Chick’s newsletter and get stories like this delivered to your inbox.
But over the last couple of months, her husband has increasingly brought up egg donors and said he is not interested in adopting a child.
She keeps telling her husband it makes her uneasy, going with an egg donor and a surrogate, because it would make them unequal as parents.
If her husband ever made a joke about their future baby taking after him, that would hurt her, and she knows a baby will end in resentment if she caves to her husband’s wishes.
“And I don’t want to resent him. I tell him it hurts that it feels like it doesn’t matter who he has a baby with, as long as it’s his baby. I’ll be raising his child instead of our child. (I know it’s dumb, but I can’t let it go. Trust me, I’ve tried),” she added.
“But he’s saying I’m being selfish. Just because I’m infertile doesn’t mean we both have to be (to be clear, a doctor never said, ‘She is infertile.’ We have ‘unexplained infertility.’ But I will admit that based on my health, it’s the most likely scenario).”
“So now it’s May 2026. A year after our last IVF cycle and me almost dying. I work full-time, and he works about 25 hours a week (let’s just say he has been blessed in life). In addition, he and I do 20ish hours of dialysis stuff for me to stay alive. And all I can think is ‘this would be so much harder with an infant.'”
She’s left wondering if she’s a jerk for not wanting to pursue an egg donor and a surrogate to have a baby at this time.
A baby is the last thing her husband should be worried about. Why is he not more concerned about her health and making sure she’s where she needs to be before adding a baby to the mix?
It’s not cool for him to be pushing for a baby because this is the worst time in the world for them to get one. He’s being the selfish one, and she has to put her health first, despite his pressure.
She should try to get him to do counseling with her to see if they can work through this. And if they can’t, that means they should part ways.
What do you think?
You can read the original post below.
By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
