When a life-or-death crisis reveals that your spouse completely lacks the empathy to support you through a family trauma, is it extreme to consider a divorce?
This 36-year-old woman has been married to her 38-year-old husband, Dave, for close to a decade, and they have three sons who are 3, 4, and 7. Her sons are everything to her.
Her 4-year-old said he wanted to go down the big water slide, and she didn’t let him. Aunt Tina jumped in and said she should allow him to go.
“He ended up getting too much momentum on the slide and fell 3 feet headfirst into the pavement. Y’all. The guttural and primal scream that left my mouth was insane,” she explained.
“I thought my baby was gone. Thank God! He’s okay, but it was absolute chaos. I was screaming, my mom was on the phone with 911, my oldest son was screaming, [and] my aunt had his head wrapped up in a towel while we waited for the paramedics. He was unconscious, and I lost my [stuff]. I was furious.”
She and her oldest son have had three appointments with a therapist since the accident, and she has a meeting with a psychiatrist scheduled for Monday.
Her attention has only been on her sons, and her husband, Dave, went right back to work the day after. She’s still scared, so she’s been lingering around her kids because of that.
Dave and Aunt Tina have been attempting to direct how she heals, and last night, Dave told her to get over it because he can’t handle her panic attacks. Dave was not there to see the accident, which makes her even more upset.
“I maintain my composure around the boys for their sake. I don’t want them to see me upset. But Dave asked me to check on the chickens today…I didn’t. I was focusing on the kids,” she added.
“He’s completely bent out of shape that I ‘didn’t do the one thing he asked me to do.’ He’s been going with the tough love approach, and I told him I need him to be softer, and I just need him. He said he doesn’t have the ability to do that.”
“Again, thank God my son is okay, but I’ve been the one taking care of all his injuries and having to re-live the memory every time I see him. Not him. If this is how Dave and Tina behave when we’re in a moment of crisis, I don’t want them anymore. I choose my kids and our peace of mind. So, [am I the jerk] for considering divorce and for considering cutting ties with Tina?”
A marriage is a partnership designed to weather storms. If Dave defaults to tough love and throws a tantrum about chickens while she’s navigating severe panic attacks, he isn’t acting like a good husband.
She nearly watched her son pass away, and I’m shocked Dave doesn’t have more empathy for what she experienced. I don’t blame her for wanting a divorce over Dave’s reaction.
What do you think?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
