How long would you be willing to put up with an unemployed partner who made you foot all of the bills for your shared household?
This 42-year-old woman has a 33-year-old boyfriend who has been unemployed for the last 14 months. He hardly cleans their home, he packs her lunch, and he writes her love notes, which he thinks is contributing enough to their household.
She has been forced to work a full-time job at 45 hours a week, along with a part-time one that she spends 8 to 10 hours on weekly, in order to pay their bills.
“Every conversation where I try to explain how stressed and overwhelmed I am turns into him going off about how bad his mental health is and that it’s not fair that I’ve physically withdrawn from him,” she explained.
“He has even mentioned that others say I’m a gold digger for pushing him to get a job. He’s brought it up enough, that I’m starting to think he thinks that, while I just want him to pay his fair share.”
“I don’t expect him to pay for everything, but paying his half would be super helpful, especially since he owes me a lot of money (I know, I’m stupid).”
She realizes she should not be having to encourage her boyfriend, who is an adult, to find a job and start paying for their expenses. She doesn’t see how asking him to step up is irrational.
Her boyfriend constantly points to his mental health as a reason why he’s still unemployed, yet he does nothing to fix it since he doesn’t believe in medication.
She’s tried to tell her boyfriend that medication isn’t the only way to get help; he can have a therapist teach him coping skills in order to prevent him from going off the deep end.
Lately, her boyfriend has been complaining to her that she’s not that affectionate and their physical romance is lacking, but she is in perimenopause, and also, she doesn’t really have an interest in meeting her boyfriend’s needs when he’s not doing the same for her.
“He argues that he shouldn’t have to meet mine when I don’t meet his, while living in my house rent-free. I know the most logical thing is for me to end it and kick him out, but I do love him, and know he’ll never pay me back if we split up,” she continued.
“I have nothing in writing saying the money was a loan, and he claims it was a gift. I have a list of what was lent to him for him to sign to acknowledge it was a loan, but he’s waffling on signing it.”
“Am I [a] gold digger for expecting him to work and contribute financially, or is he just lazy, entitled, and disrespectful?”
Well, my mom always told me that if you lend someone money, expect it won’t be repaid, and don’t part with more cash than you’re comfortable losing.
It’s time she learned that lesson, because if her boyfriend owes her a lot of money and is unemployed and not paying any of their bills on top of it, that means she’s never going to see that cash again.
It’s time for her to cut her losses and kick him out. This is not a man she needs to be dating at all. He’s a burden, not a boyfriend.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
