It’s certainly hurtful to grow up and come to see that your little siblings were granted far more opportunities than you ever had. So if that happened to you, would you feel like confronting your parents about it?
This 26-year-old woman is the oldest of three kids, and her siblings are 7 and 5 years younger than she is. Growing up, they were in the lower middle class.
They had everything they needed, and they were not unhappy, but money was definitely a problem. Though, as she has grown up, she’s come to realize her little siblings were given opportunities that she never even had access to.
“For example, I had to switch to a public high school because a private school wasn’t financially possible. My siblings were later given the choice between public and private schools,” she explained.
“When I got accepted into a university in another city, I commuted every day. It became exhausting and affected my studies so much that I eventually dropped out. Renting near campus was never presented as an option.”
“Part of that was financial, but part of it was also my mom’s very unhealthy attachment to me. Whether intentionally or not, I was made to feel incredibly guilty for even considering living away from home. Years later, my siblings have been told that if they study in another city, renting there is an option.”
After she dropped out of college, she had to give up her dream career, as it was no longer feasible for her to accomplish that. She did enroll in another program near her house, so she could study and work at the same time.
She doesn’t exactly regret the different path she was forced to take, but it wasn’t what she wanted for herself. What’s now extremely upsetting to her is that her youngest sister is trying to make a career in the very industry she had to give up.
Her mom and dad are fully supporting her little sister financially and emotionally. They tell her sister all the time to worry about her studies, and they will deal with everything else.
Her parents never make her little sister feel like she is asking them for too much. They just deliver.
“When I was in her position, I was told to be understanding, that certain things simply weren’t possible, and that I had to make compromises. So while I’m genuinely happy that she gets to chase her dream, it’s hard not to grieve the fact that I had to let mine go,” she added.
“I don’t resent my siblings. I genuinely want them to have better opportunities than I did. I also know my parents’ financial situation improved over the years. I understand people mature. Parents learn. Circumstances change.”
“Before talking to my mom, I already knew there wasn’t a solution. I wasn’t expecting an apology, money, or for anyone to ‘fix’ the past. I knew none of that was possible. I think I just wanted to share how it feels. To let her know that, while I’m happy for my siblings, there’s still a part of me that grieves what I didn’t have.”
She planned to have this conversation with her mom and not her dad, as he’s a very passive person who doesn’t handle chats like this well.
Anyway, she finally had the chance to open up to her mom, and as soon as she began telling her about her feelings, her mom walked away while she was still speaking to her and got mad.
Ever since, her mom has refused to talk to her about this topic, so she’s curious if she was wrong. She’s wondering if she should have kept her feelings to herself, considering nothing will change the past.
“Maybe bringing it up only made her feel guilty over things that were outside her control. On the other hand, I don’t think children, even adult children, should have to bottle up difficult feelings forever just because there’s no practical solution,” she continued.
“So…[am I the jerk] for bringing this up at all and wanting to have that conversation with my mom?”
I think her mom is most likely overwhelmed with guilt because she’s right; her siblings had it better than she did. Perhaps in time, her mom will come around and let her say her piece.
Her mom has to know how hurt she is, and maybe trying to talk to her dad will go better. Or she can ask her dad to sit down with her and her mom and help kind of manage that interaction.
What do you think?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
