If your spouse admitted that they have feelings for their coworker, then said they want permission to go explore them, how would you feel?
This woman and her husband got married a year ago and have spent seven years together in total. Well before they walked down the aisle, her husband was honest about having a high drive in the bedroom as well as liking to explore.
They actually were pretty adventurous together with additional people back when they were still boyfriend and girlfriend. However, after tying the knot, they pretty much stopped.
“Recently, he opened up to me and admitted that he still has the same desire to be with other women, and specifically, he has developed an attraction toward one of his coworkers,” she explained.
She doesn’t think her husband has crossed a line or done anything bad, as she’s seen their chats, and they mainly discuss work. Also, her husband’s coworker is clueless about his feelings.
Her husband is physically attracted to his coworker, but he also appreciates her character and dedication at work. He says his coworker is kind and timid, like she is.
“He told me that he wants to ‘explore’ these feelings, not in the sense of physically cheating, but more on understanding what these feelings mean to him,” she added.
“He also doesn’t want to completely cut communication with her because they have business dealings and future plans for work. He said that most men have these desires and that he’s just being honest enough to admit it.”
“He also reassured me that his love for me won’t be replaced and that hurting me was never his intention. He’s trying his best to reassure me that our love for each other can never be replaced after everything we have been through. Saying he can manage his emotions and what he’s feeling for that other person is not that deep.”
She feels that her husband is very existential, and he is all about trying to wrap his brain around emotions and life. He experiences things on a deep level, and so he views his feelings for his coworker as worth understanding and examining.
She can’t help but feel depressed, insecure, and hurt over all of this. She has asked her husband to shut his interest in his coworker down, but he doesn’t want to do that.
He argued that feelings can come out of nowhere, and it’s important how they handle them. He has promised not to do anything without telling her about it, and he will be open.
“We have had deep conversations about this over the last few days. Came to an understanding of how we will navigate this. We even went back to normal for a bit, maybe even better than normal, because it felt like we are now super open about our emotions, especially mine,” she continued.
“But sometimes, when I’m alone, I’m overcome with sadness and anger. I almost completely forgot about all the conversations we had. There are moments when I’m seriously considering leaving the marriage.”
“[Am I the jerk] for still considering leaving even after all we talked about and been through? Is this just honesty and normal human attraction, or is this already crossing emotional boundaries? Has anyone been in a similar situation?”
Oh yes, she should get a divorce because then her husband will be free to pursue his coworker. And her husband’s not existential, and on some profound journey to understand himself better, he’s trying to get permission to see someone else. How lame.
He sounds like he’s trying to test what he can get away with, and she’s a doormat if she stays with him. The fact that she is now questioning his actions tells her what she already knows deep down: this marriage is done.
What advice do you have for her?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
