She Keeps The Ashes Of Her Former Boyfriend In A Place Where Her Current Boyfriend Can See Them And Now He’s Complaining To The Internet He Thinks It’s Wrong
A 29-year-old man just moved in with his 28-year-old girlfriend a few weeks ago. They have been dating for 2 years, but he’s never had a major problem with her, up until now.
“My girlfriend’s high school boyfriend got shot and killed when they were 24 (so about two years before she and I got together, and I’m the first person she dated since he passed), and I know that coping with his death has been very difficult for her,” he explained.
She started dating her high school boyfriend when she was a freshman, and she was with him for around 9 or 10 years.
Her current boyfriend acknowledged the fact that if her former boyfriend was still alive, she probably would be with him to this day.
Circling back to the living situation, this guy thought everything was going well considering he and his girlfriend haven’t been living with one another for a long time.
He is really upset though that she’s keeping the ashes of her former boyfriend, and he’s not happy it’s in a place where he can visibly see them.
When he first moved in with her, she had her former boyfriend’s ashes inside of an urn in her living room. It sat there along with a candle and a photo depicting him.
“I just find it creepy. I don’t want his ashes in my house,” this guy admitted. “I don’t want a shrine for some other guy that makes me feel insecure whenever I walk by it.”
He actually told his girlfriend he was upset about it, so she moved the ashes to the kitchen, and put them on a tiny shelf between the fridge and pantry.
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He’s now complaining that this is still so obviously in his line of sight, and he would prefer she put the ashes inside of a closet or just throw them out.
“When I asked her if she would be willing to move it into the closet or get rid of it entirely, she told me that it was rude of me to ask her to get rid of him or put him in a dark closet because he was a big part of her life,” he said.
Here’s what the internet had to say.
“It’s not like she’s got him taxidermied on the couch.”
“I mean I get where it’s creepy and uncomfortable but if you love the girl then make room for her grief and let her work through it.”
“It’s not like you’re actually competing with the urn. And it’s not that she’s not over him… you lose a possible future when a partner dies.”
“So like a part of herself and how she viewed herself died. Plus that period in her life made her who she is today and that person was foundational to that journey.”
“Be thankful to that dude and celebrate him with her.”
“You moved in with her and expect her to change her minor memorial (“tucked away in a corner on a little shelf” doesn’t exactly scream big shrine).”
“If you can’t handle her still grieving, you can’t handle living there. You aren’t in competition with a dead guy, and the space was arranged prior to your moving in.”
“It means a lot to her. What’s she supposed to do? Throw it away? Put it in storage? Give it to his family, saying, “Sorry, I don’t want it anymore?” People have ashes. It doesn’t mean they love the people currently in their lives any less. Perhaps you need counseling.”
“You’re irrationally insecure about a dead man – what’s he going to do, steal your girl from beyond the grave?”
He then added his reasoning behind being upset about her former boyfriend’s ashes.
“I’ve just heard (mostly from her friends and family) about what an amazing guy he was,” he said. “And I definitely believe it. I’ve seen a few pictures of them together and they looked so happy together.”
“I’m insecure because I’m worried that I’ll never be good enough to fill his shoes. I know that she still loves him, I just don’t know if she loves me as much as she loved him, and it sucks.”
“Her keeping it out so she can see it every day just reminds me that I’m not him, I’ll never be him, and that even if she has me, I’m not enough to fill the hole he left behind (which yes, I know is impossible because he died and nobody could actually replace a dead person).”
You can read the rest of what the internet had to say here.
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