She’s Falling In Love With Her Husband’s Brother And Now She’s Asking The Internet What To Do
A 27-year-old woman is asking the internet what to do after developing some serious feelings for her 28-year-old husband’s brother.
She and her husband Will have been in a relationship for 4 years and married for a little more than 1 year.
Will has a 26-year-old brother named Liam. Liam has Crohn’s, and asked if he could come live with them for a bit as his roommate is an essential worker, which puts his health at risk.
Prior to Liam moving in with them, this woman had only met him maybe 10 times or less.
Ever since he did move in though, she has been spending nearly all of her time with Liam, as Will spends all day in his office working (he’s a lawyer).
She admitted that she is pretty shocked at how similar Liam is too her…and it’s far more than Will is.
Things start to heat up from there…
“We have a similar sense of humor, similar interests, and I’d say our overall energy is very similar. He also looks a lot like Will,” she said.
“Except… since we got married, Will has gained about 30 pounds. Liam, on the other hand, is very very VERY fit. You get where I’m going here.”
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She can’t quite tell if Liam really is flirting with her, but she thinks that’s what is going on. He teases her, will drop anything to go somewhere or do something with her, and always laughs at any joke she cracks.
Will goes to bed on the early side, so she stays up late with Liam.
She also seems to think he’s starting to look at her in a very intense and affectionate way, and since they’re spending a ton of their time tanning outside, they see “each other half-naked a lot.”
She admits the tension on her part is “through the roof” and that things with Will have not been great.
“We share a ton of inside jokes. We text, even though we’re in the same house. When I see him/his name on my phone, I get that giddy feeling in my stomach like I do in the early “courtship” stages of a relationship.”
“I guess I didn’t recognize the extent of the problem until last week.”
It turns out, she started to have some very vivid personal dreams about Liam. After she woke up, she was intimate with her husband Will, “but was thinking about Liam the whole time.”
“I felt so guilty and disgusting after,” she continued. “Then, on Friday night, we were all drunk and had put on music and were just dancing stupidly.”
“Liam and I kept dancing when Will went to bed, and it got a little heated. We were “jokingly” grinding and rubbing up on each other, except it didn’t really feel like a joke.”
Now she’s wondering how her life would have turned out if she met Liam and not Will, and she’s curious about what kind of a husband Liam would make.
“I talked to Will today about possibly asking Liam to leave, under the guise of needing more privacy and more space for our relationship.”
“Will was kind of taken aback, since we “get along so well,” and more or less shot down the idea since Liam has nowhere else to go.”
“I feel like I’m dangerously close to having an affair, if what’s happening now doesn’t already count as cheating, and I don’t know what I can do. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks.”
Here’s what the internet had to say.
“You need to cut the bull**** out. You’re flirting, cozying up, even grinding. Stop. You’re not a child. Sit on the other side of the room if you watch TV together, keep conversations surface-level only, and if you need space go to your bedroom.”
“If Liam asks you why you’re acting cold towards him then let him know that you felt like you two were being becoming too flirtatious and you don’t want to disrespect your husband like that. He should get the idea and change his behavior.”
“If you’re still having problems then ask him what his plans are for moving out. You don’t have to be rude but you can bring up the future and gently steer the conversation that way.”
“Don’t throw away your marriage because someone else gives you more attention for 2 minutes.”
“Yep. She can’t control feelings but she can 100% control the situations she’s putting herself in.”
“You should not tell your husband that you have feelings for your BIL, but you need to definitely have a conversation with him about what’s lacking in your marriage. It’s just been a year, just a year ago, you decided this person was worth spending the rest of your life with.”
“As soon as you open up and have a conversation, your focus will change into working on your marriage than on your BIL.”
“Start by saying along the lines of, “Hey, I am seeing more of Liam than you these days. And I am feeling very disconnected with you. Can we spend some quality time alone together everyday? I love you and I really do miss you.” This will give you an opening for a deeper conversation.”
She then shared a few updates…
She updated her post to clarify a few points. Her first point: “I don’t know if this really matters, but a lot of comments have glommed onto this point: Liam and I both work, and are both earning our regular salaries right now. I make more money than Will. There’s just less work right now so we have a lot of free time. I may be a sh*tty person in other ways but the leech narrative is false, sorry.”
Her second point: “I’m not sure if I want to stay with Will (or if he even wants to stay with me). Our married life has been rocky, even before all this (problems with intimacy, affection, lack of time for each other, lack of communication), which we’ve talked about and tried to address to no avail.”
“Liam reminds me of what Will was like while we were dating, not just physically (I was trying to say this in a comment but was sleepy and it came out jumbled and kind of the opposite of what I was trying to say).”
“But our married life also overlaps significantly with a really chaotic and stressful time in the world and in Will’s work, so I’m not sure if these problems are just temporary.”
Her third point: “I am NOT considering physically cheating. I’m just afraid that if we’re in the house together all the time, the situation will only worsen (e.g. my feelings get stronger and it becomes harder to cut off).”
“I recognize now that I definitely need to stop getting drunk/high with Liam, but I’m not sure that’ll solve everything. I would appreciate advice on how to cut things off tactfully.”
She ended things by saying, “I’ve booked a therapy session for myself and might just spend the day alone to reflect and really think about what I want. Thank you for taking the time to comment, especially those of you who have been kind.”
You can read the rest of the advice the internet had for her here.
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