She Told Her Ex-Husband And His New Wife That They Need To Stop Fostering Children And She’s Asking The Internet If It Was Unfair Of Her
A woman got divorced from her ex-husband, and together they have three children; a 17-year-old boy, a 14-year-old girl, and a 12-year-old boy.
Her ex has since remarried a woman named Vanessa, and he has been with her for 8 years.
She does find Vanessa to be nice, and Vanessa is a great step-mom to her children, who spend every other week with her ex and Vanessa.
5 years ago, her ex and Vanessa began fostering children with the intention of being able to adopt, since Vanessa is unable to have kids of her own.
“They fostered a baby girl for 3 years (from the time she came home to the hospital) and she ended up reunited with family,” she explained.
“It was extremely hard on the kids, as well as my ex and Vanessa. Immediately after, they began fostering another child (5 years old) and were supposed to adopt them.”
“Right before Christmas, he was reunited with his biological father that they originally had no information on.”
“This has been incredibly hard for the kids. They are devastated and started going to therapy after their first foster sister was removed from the home.”
Not long ago, her oldest children told her that they can’t handle losing another child since they get very attached to their foster siblings.
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Both of her oldest children also revealed to her that ex and Vanessa will be getting another foster child soon, and her kids don’t want to continue living there if that’s the case.
Her children even tried to talk to their dad about how they feel, without getting anywhere. So, she decided to speak to her ex and Vanessa about this.
“They kept saying that this is the reality of foster care, that it hurts them too, but they feel they’re at least offering a loving and safe home to these kids,” she said.
She did ask if they could wait to foster more children until the oldest of their own children go to college, but they refused.
“I ultimately said what the kids did: if they continued to foster, our elder kids would choose to not come around as much and I’d support them in court,” she continued.
“If our youngest wanted to keep up the custody agreement, that’s fine, but I’d keep them in therapy.”
“My ex called me and said Vanessa has been sobbing all weekend after my “threat”. He says it’s not fair to ask this of them and make them decide. I told him it’s up to him to decide what he could live with.”
Here’s what the internet had to say.
“This is tough, but the reality is the whole family needs to be on board with every placement that enters the home.”
“Some folks are saying that these kids agreed to foster so shouldn’t back out..but the reality is that most adults who foster quit after a year or so.”
“It is tough on your heart and mind, and you can be glad you did it but also need a good long break or to just be done.”
“I don’t have bio kids, but when my husband says no more placements, I listen; kids should get the same respect.”
“I can fully appreciate that your ex and his wife want the opportunity to adopt a child, but most of the people I’ve worked with stop after two foster experiences because it is so, so hard on everyone in the family.”
“The court will bend over backward to return the child to his birth family. I’ve seen children put into foster care, spend years there, get returned to their birth families, stay for two years, then back to foster care.”
“The system is screwed up and it’s likely to remain so. You are wise to be concerned about your children’s mental health.”
“What they’re doing is amazing. But, here’s the thing: it’s hard on your kids and as their parent, it’s your job to advocate for them.”
“You’re right that your ex and Vanessa can foster later. They’re doing a good thing for those kids who they foster; it’s just hard for their own kids.”
“It is not your children who don’t understand the reality of fostering, it is your ex and Vanessa. I was the biological child in an emergency foster family and was there as dozens of children came in and then out of my home.”
“And yes, I was upset every time they left, but not heartbroken because I had been prepared. I had been taught that the point of fostering these children was so that one day, they got to go back to their mommies and daddies.”
“We did end up adopting four of the children and it was wonderful, but like I said, almost one hundred kids came into this home that also left.”
“THAT is the reality of foster care. It is all on your ex and Vanessa that they went into this with an adoption mindset and put that permanency mindset onto your children as well. Just keep standing up for your babies, Mama.”
You can read the rest of what the internet had to say here.
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