He Cried Over A Girl He Never Even Went On A Date With, And He’s Wondering If That Means He’s Not Ready For A Relationship Right Now
A 23-year-old man describes how he didn’t have any “real” relationships in high school. The one that did happen was only 2 months long.
When he got to college, he realized that his depression and anxiety were really bad, and had interfered with his dating life.
He decided not to date until he was mentally in a better place. Therapy for 2 years combined with anxiety and depression meds helped him to progressively get better, and grow more comfortable with himself.
“I don’t rely on anyone to be happy, I am able to ground myself when my emotions get a bit rocky…I’m more social, more independent, less worried about what people think, and I’ve matured a lot,” he explained.
He also continued to work on other aspects of himself. He worked on himself physically, worked on his sense of style, took better care of his acne, and even changed his hair.
These small changes have been so noticeable that his friends paid attention and complimented him on how “cool” he’s gotten.
After all these changes, he gained the confidence he needed to put himself out there again, and so he picked a dating app to try.
He kept his expectations low though, as before he used to be clingy and try too hard. Since using the app, he hasn’t connected with anyone.
At a track meet for school about 3 months ago, he ran into an old friend that he’s known for 5 years. After a bit of catching up, he noticed a really cute girl among her friends, and he was instantly attracted to her.
Look! – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purpose only, not the actual person
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He didn’t approach her, but after months of not using the dating app he was on, he opened it up and, he matched with the cute girl a couple of days after.
“We instantly had a good connection, liked the same music, the same hobbies, almost everything I liked she liked, and we both had the same style,” he said.
“We quickly exchanged socials and started talking every day. I have never felt such a connection with someone, and I was genuinely interested in her, more than anyone I’ve gone on dates with in the past years.”
They talked for weeks about anything and everything they had in mind, and they also discussed their ideal date and even made a playlist for each other.
Despite having talked for 3 months they were never able to have an actual date. With her living an hour and 10 minutes away and him not having a car, that made things hard.
Putting this aside they both deleted their dating apps and continued talking.
About 2 weeks ago, they finally saw each other in person at a track meet. They were only able to talk for 20 minutes, and apparently, there were a lot of sparks between them.
There was a discussion of meeting up once summer break was upon them and they were both really excited.
She stopped replying after that though, and initially, he just thought that she had forgotten to reply.
“Well, this morning she told me that she’s not doing well with her mental health, and just does not want to pursue a relationship with anyone as of now. She was pretty clear on what she felt,” he explained.
He wants to believe that that’s honestly what she needs, but there’s a part of his old anxiety that thinks she’s lost interest in him.
Even with them not having an official date, he woke up wanting to cry and had a lot of heartache. He tried just brushing it off, calming down, and moving forward. This was the most pain he’s felt in a while.
He texted her to ask if there were still going to meet up in the summer or if she wanted complete space from him.
He thinks that if they had gone on at least one in-person date things would have gone differently. She also hasn’t responded to his text yet.
With his emotions heightened as much as they were, he thought of her all day. Realizing that it wasn’t healthy, he tried distracting himself. This worked for a while until he went to bed and his mind was flooded with thoughts of her. Though he never went on a date with her, he got emotional to the point of tears rolling down his face.
Thinking about his reaction to a girl he never went out with, he came to the conclusion that he wasn’t ready for anything serious, at least not yet. He was very confused because he felt like he was ready for a serious relationship.
Since he started going to therapy, he’s been able to ground himself and handle rejection a little better. With this girl it’s different; this one hurts a lot more.
If this was me and I had put months into talking and getting to know someone, I would be pretty upset, maybe not as upset as he was, but still pretty upset.
Did he overreact and put too much into this “relationship”, or did he react as anyone else would have?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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