Katharina Buczek
Our brain believes that if we are able to get this person to like or even love us, then we can resolve past internal pain and trauma– filling a previous gap if you will.
Most of the time, though, this well-intended noble quest never goes according to plan. So, you continue obsessing over people, getting hurt again, and the cycle repeats itself.
Another common reason why people become obsessive with potential partners is that they are simply seeking validation. Perhaps you struggled with self-image as a child or grew up without stable finances in your home. In adulthood, you may be drawn to the most stereotypically-attractive people or the most fiscally accomplished– simply because you want that sense of validation.
And if these people show any semblance of interest in you, it can cause your brain to go wild– pushing you to become obsessed and hyper-fixated on their perception of you.
Finally, obsession can also just be a distraction from your life. After all, it is much leaser to get lost while pursuing someone else than focus on improving your own life.
This is way more common than we think. Consider this: how many times have you ever put a number or criteria on your happiness? For instance, “I’ll be happy once I lose 20 pounds” or “I’ll be happy once I get married.”
And in obsessive relationships, it’s no different. While it may still feel emotionally draining, it is usually easier to wonder if someone likes you or how they feel about you as opposed to if you like them, want them in your life, and are truly ready to commit.
How To Overcome The Infatuation
Now that you understand the different causes of obsession, it’s time to get to the root of your own personal case. Practice some self-reflection– which will likely focus on your childhood and young adulthood. What trauma do you still carry around with you? How does this impact your thought patterns, behaviors, and decisions?
And this next step is not always easy, but it’s crucial: you have to switch the focus back to yourself. The first way you can do this is by looking at the person you’re obsessed with and figuring out what exactly you have latched on to.
For instance, you may be obsessed with their confidence or their positive energy. Whatever it may be, once you recognize these qualities, start considering how you can embody those traits.
