He Wants To Ask For Feedback After Going On Dates With Women But Isn’t Sure If It’s Appropriate
For the past six months, this 28-year-old guy has been actively searching for a relationship. And throughout that time, he has managed to land a good amount of dates with various girls.
But unfortunately, none of these dates ever end up “sticking” or progressing.
On a few occasions, after he went on a second or third date with a new girl, he got hit with an all-too-familiar line.
“Hey, I like you, but I am not ready for a relationship right now,” the girls would say.
Then, after learning that, he would just stop seeing those particular women. While his dates claimed they just were not looking for a relationship, though, he sometimes had a gut feeling there was more to the story.
“I often feel like there is something about me that they find unattractive, but they just don’t want to tell me,” he revealed.
Now, he completely understands that if someone is not interested in dating him, then they don’t owe him an explanation or anything as to why.
Since this outcome has become a pattern in his quest for a relationship, however, it is really starting to bother him.
That’s why, recently, he has considered actually reaching out to a few of the girls to ask for some brutal honesty.
New Africa – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual people
“I would like to ask them if there was something about me that was a deal breaker for them or if there was something that gave them ‘the ick,'” he explained.
But, he isn’t really sure if that is an okay question to ask, which is why he recently turned to people on the internet for advice.
“Have any of you ever sought out this kind of answer from a date? Is it even appropriate to ask?” he inquired.
Now, some people did admit to asking their dates for feedback– almost like an “exit interview.” Plus, certain singles even provided advice on how to go about this conversation.
“I’ve sought that answer many times, and I usually have gotten it. Make sure you only ask once. Don’t argue with her. Don’t try to convince her to change her mind. Just try to understand, thank her for sharing the feedback, and wish her well in life,” said Character_Bill_9535.
However, other people pointed out another possible issue with getting post-date feedback: you may wind up changing something about yourself that another potential suitor might actually like.
“Getting a detailed explanation from one person as to why they don’t find you datable would only be for them, not everyone. So, you working on changing something they don’t like will possibly rid a thing someone else might really like,” explained The_Book-JDP.
“Then, it’s just an unending losing race where you’re eliminating one trait after another until you yourself are nothing, hollow, and empty,” they continued.
“I mean, if it’s something like anger issues, then yea, work on getting rid of them. But if it’s something like ‘your hair is a weird shape,’ or, ‘I don’t like how you order your food,’ then it’s not worth changing– especially if it is something you like or are used to.”
What do you think? Could it be useful to ask past dates for feedback? Or could it potentially be unhelpful since some preferences are so personal and subjective?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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