She Keeps Falling For Men Who Are So Jaded Following Past Heartbreaks That They Refuse To Open Up Again
This woman keeps going on dates or getting emotionally involved with guys who became seriously jaded after getting their hearts broken. And she claimed that it could not be more upsetting.
“They’ll have this one girl they’re in love with, and the relationship ends– not really due to toxic or abusive reasons. And then, the guy will be jaded ‘forever,'” she explained.
For her, this is seriously frustrating since, most of the time, she feels like she can basically see the “goodness” inside the men she dates. However, due to their past trauma, they just will not open up.
“I can see there’s still a sweet guy in there who was once able to pour love, but now, they resort to other things like having multiple girls, partying a lot, drugs, and alcohol,” she said.
Now, she would love it for the guys she dates to feel safe enough to open up. She also wants to let them know that she would never hurt them in the same ways they had been hurt before.
Even when she communicates that, though, men just never seem to care; plus, some don’t even bother giving her a chance.
And after that happens, she then finds herself starting to fantasize– wishing the guys would treat her the same way they used to treat their ex-girlfriends.
“I feel like I’ll never be treated as such, and it makes me upset. I always feel like I’m never going to be someone’s ‘the one.’ Rather, just a shadow of what they wanted to have with their ex-partner,” she vented.
Unfortunately, this has already happened to her three times, too. So, she’s having trouble finding men out there who are actually working to heal their trauma and understand that just because one relationship did not work out, that doesn’t mean other relationships are doomed.
zimmytws – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only
Plus, she recently took to the internet to figure out why men become so jaded after heartbreak anyway and refuse to ever open themselves up to the possibility of love again.
Why Heartbreak Can Cause Men To Become Emotionally Unavailable
Many men did come to the rescue, providing an explanation about why some become so jaded that they refuse to open up. And sadly, the root of the issue ties back to the fear of getting hurt again.
“It happened once. It can happen again,” began MiGaOh.
“Healing takes time. And it freaking hurts. Ignoring a wound doesn’t make it heal. But it does keep it from hurting. People just become numb to their little aches and pains. It has to hurt before a wound really heals, but we avoid the hurt and prefer to be numb.”
Others agreed and even shared their own personal experiences with relationship trauma.
“Hit the nail on the head there! She cheated on me after 13 years and two kids. If she can do it, why wouldn’t someone else?” asked Seansheeprider.
“I hate feeling this way, but I’m not getting hurt again. I’m sure at the beginning my ex would have said she would never hurt me…”
However, some people pointed out how constantly attracting these kinds of emotionally unavailable partners indicates there is a deeper problem at play. And it has to do with feeling like you can “save” people.
“This says more about you than these men. You can’t heal, save, or love someone who doesn’t want that kind of love from you. Remember that there are two sides to every story,” explained Kokospize.
“You certainly don’t know how they really treated those mythical women whom they once loved but hurt them. So why be upset about what you don’t really know? Take a break from dating and develop a protective plan for yourself,” they continued.
“Once a guy shows that he isn’t ready for the love that you want or get, release the fantasy of what could have been and close that chapter. You can’t try to nurse these grown men back to emotional health. You aren’t a therapist. With your current mindset, you’ll end up in an unfulfilling, mentally-draining relationship doing all the emotional heavy lifting.”
Do you agree that constantly attracting “jaded” partners indicates there’s a larger issue at play? How can people attract more stable or open love interests?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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