She Can Usually Tell Within The First Five Minutes If She’s Interested In A Guy, So She’s Wondering How To Cut First Dates Short Without Being Rude
This 28-year-old woman is currently single and trying to navigate the dating pool.
But, she has one big problem: she can usually tell within the first five minutes of meeting a person whether or not she is really interested.
Now, this might not seem like an issue. She obviously knows what she wants, and it’s good to be decisive, right?
Well, the problem is more that she has no clue how to cut first dates short without coming off rude.
“So I just go along with it, and the date ends up going on for hours,” she said.
She claimed that she simply hates causing people to feel bad, which is why she tries her best to just “be a decent person.”
As she goes on more first dates, though, she’s having trouble figuring out how to pull the plug when– even if a person seems interested– there is absolutely no romantic attraction on her end.
She detailed how, for first dates, she usually prefers something casual. So, if someone suggests going out to dinner, she tries to reel it back and suggests something like ice cream instead.
But even in those situations, her dates usually end up wanting to do something after getting ice cream as well– such as taking a walk around the city– because getting ice cream only lasts about 30 minutes.
Sergey Nivens – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
So, she recently turned to Reddit to figure out the best way to end a first date “gracefully” without insulting the other person.
“And what would you say is the minimum time needed on the first date so that it’s not rude to end it?” she asked.
Her common struggle garnered a ton of responses on the platform. And first and foremost, the majority of people pointed out how planning a short date from the start is the way to go.
“The main acceptable way is to just plan a short date, like coffee, and then extend it if you like them. Otherwise, you probably just have to take the L [loss] and stay,” said Plasticgear9310.
“Yup. Meet for a drink, and if you’re feeling it, order a second drink. If not, leave after one drink,” agreed 1platesquat.
Some commenters also pointed out how, while it might be uncomfortable sometimes, she needs to work on setting firmer boundaries that work for her.
“You definitely need to be more assertive and not go on a date that lasts for hours if you have no interest in someone. You’re wasting each other’s time, and the fact is that guys tend to correlate time spent on a date as you having interest,” explained Wokenthehive.
“Most women, in my experience, just say they have to go because they have plans, they’re meeting a friend, they need to get up early tomorrow, feed their dog, etc. I know that these are most likely excuses, and I don’t get upset by it because I know they weren’t interested in going on any further, and I’m not wasting my time on a dead-end date.”
As for how long a first date “should” last, many of the commenters agreed that about an hour is acceptable.
“An hour is fair. Thirty minutes is acceptable. It’s hard not to be rude if you bail before 30 minutes,” opined Aapox33.
Still, a lot of Redditors had trouble understanding how she was able to gauge romantic interest in just five minutes. So, they suggested some alternatives for first dates that might save both time and awkwardness.
“How do you know within only five minutes? Maybe you should try video calls. Saves these people time getting ready just to be rejected– even if it’s not verbalized to them– in five minutes. Because it’s pointless for you to go somewhere just to want to leave immediately,” suggested Dalecooperswife.
“But anyway, 30 minutes is way too short for a date, in my opinion. You don’t need to be on a first date for hours, but an hour or a couple of hours is fine.”
Finally, she was also given a bunch of ideas on how to cut a date short if she is really not feeling any chemistry.
“It’s easier said than done, but I think keeping it simple with something like, ‘Well hey, I need to run, but it was nice meeting you.’ And then if you’re pressed, say, ‘You seem great, but I’m just not feeling a connection I was hoping for,’ as a backup,” explained Aapox33.
“If you get pressed on “texting or talking later,” you can always agree at the moment and then send the letdown message later. And if you’re ever very uncomfortable or feel any level of unsafe, it’s fair to lie and say you don’t feel well.”
Have you ever struggled with ending a date? What advice would you give her? Do you agree that one hour is an acceptable amount of time for a first date?
You can read the original thread on Reddit here.
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