Here’s How To Use Therapy Speak Without Weaponizing It
The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer, Abby Connolly.
The use of psychological terms to describe interactions with people in our everyday lives is becoming increasingly prevalent. Social media has introduced us to many phrases, such as attachment styles, love languages, triggers, trauma, and more.
If you’ve been online recently, you’ve probably heard all about the controversy surrounding actor Jonah Hill and his ex, Sarah Brady, who is a surfer.
Brady posted screenshots detailing Hill’s emotionally abusive behavior. In the screenshots, Hill demanded that she stop surfing with other men, posting pictures of herself wearing bikinis, and hanging around “unstable women” from her past.
He stated that these were his “boundaries,” but Brady claimed that he had misused the term in order to cater to his own agenda and control her life.
The weaponization of “therapy speak” is pretty common these days, as more and more people pick up psychology-related phrases from videos on social media. While it’s wonderful that mental health awareness is becoming more normalized, there are risks that come with therapy speak.
Therapy speak involves the use of words and phrases describing psychological or therapeutic concepts in day-to-day conversations. Sometimes, the language can get thrown around carelessly, with a lack of understanding of what it really means.
People may use therapy speak to avoid accountability or manipulate someone into doing what they want. This is when therapy speak becomes weaponized.
For instance, the concept of boundaries is often misused, as seen in Jonah Hill’s case. Boundaries refer to the rules you set for yourself regarding how other people treat you to protect your own well-being. They do not give you the ability to establish limits on other people’s lifestyles.
Drobot Dean – stock.adobe.com- illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
The use of therapy speak to gaslight someone is also something that can happen in relationships. Gaslighters may toss in some professional-sounding words to appear intellectually superior and intimidate you into agreeing with them or putting you in your place.
So, how do you use therapy speak in a healthy way? Healthy therapy speak should be open and understanding. It’s used with thought and intention.
For example, when someone is telling you about a problem they’re having, ask them what they need from you before you start giving advice they didn’t request. Are they looking for solutions, or do they just want a listening ear? You can also state that you have some suggestions or opinions and ask if they want to hear them.
Another way to be respectful is to give the other person the option to share sensitive information with you. Let them know that it’s okay to be vulnerable and that they don’t have to be alone, but it’s also okay if they don’t feel ready to talk about it quite yet.
Consider what therapy-related terms you incorporate into your conversations on a regular basis. If you realize that you may have been using them in an off-hand way, get educated about them beyond a viral TikTok video. Try to save the therapy speak for more formal and serious conversations.
If you feel that a friend, family member, or partner is misusing therapy speak, don’t be afraid to call them out or say no to them. Trust your gut when you think that something seems off. If the person continues to be toxic, you don’t need to continue engaging with them.
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