She Doesn’t Want To Host Her Husband’s Family For The Holidays, Since Her Husband’s Half Sister Now Has A Criminal Boyfriend
For three years, this 26-year-old woman and her husband, 32, have celebrated Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and other holidays at their house with her husband’s side of the family.
Of everyone in the family, she and her husband have the biggest house, so it’s easiest for them to host a lot of people for these get-togethers. They live out in the country, have a large backyard, and have a hobby farm, too.
Another, more tragic reason that she and her husband started hosting holiday celebrations at their house is that three years ago, her husband’s mother passed away.
Understandably, her father-in-law has been deeply grieving and struggling with this loss, and he wasn’t in a place where he could host events at his house. He also hadn’t been in therapy or done anything else to cope with his grief.
After the loss, her husband came up with the idea to host holidays at their house since they had enough space for his big family. And over the years, as other family members had children, the family only grew larger.
She and her husband have two children, and her husband has four siblings. Chad, her brother-in-law, has three children, while her husband’s half sister, Jane, has one child. All of his siblings have partners as well. Also, some of her husband’s aunts, uncles, and several cousins are included in the celebrations, too, so they always have a full house.
“Well, my husband’s half-sister has never been the best at decision-making. From everyday life to her boyfriend selection, Jane doesn’t think most things through. She’s more of an ‘in-the-moment’ kind of person. We were introduced to her daughter’s father after she had announced to us that she was pregnant by him. They had been together for two or three months at the time. Well, they broke up before their baby turned 1. Four months ago, Jane got a new boyfriend,” she said.
Unfortunately, she and her husband have never approved of any of Jane’s boyfriends that they’ve been introduced to. When Jane and her “baby daddy” broke up, she and her husband decided that they would research any guy she decided to date next before allowing future boyfriends to come to holiday gatherings. Jane doesn’t normally let anyone know ahead of time before bringing a new boyfriend to these celebrations.
Evidently, Jane’s “baby daddy” didn’t seem too driven and was pretty immature, so he wasn’t the best father figure since he didn’t seem ready to take care of a family. Other than that, he wasn’t the worst of Jane’s past partners. However, Jane has had a tendency to hang out with unsavory people.
Delcio F/peopleimages.com – stock.adobe.com- illustrative purposes only, not the actual people
In the state where she and her husband live, as well as the rest of his family, criminal histories are public record as long as the people charged are 18 or older and were charged as adults.
This past February, someone broke into her and her husband’s home. Understandably, this experience scared them and has caused them to be a lot more cautious of people.
“After running Jane’s boyfriend’s name, I found out he has lots of substance and theft charges, as well as bail jumping two times. This man is like 21-years-old and has had repeat substance charges since he was like 17. Now, I know we do dumb things when we are young and sometimes get mixed up with bad people, but these charges were heavy substance charges and large dollar amounts worth of stolen items,” she explained.
The fact that Jane’s boyfriend had been in trouble for theft more than once made it even worse.
Once she discovered all this shocking information, she informed her husband of what she found, and he told her that he didn’t want Jane’s boyfriend in their home.
Her husband then told her father-in-law about Jane’s boyfriend’s criminal history, but her father-in-law tried to rationalize it away by saying that the guy “seemed nice” and added that people can be charged with bail jumping if they just don’t appear for their scheduled court date. Despite what her father-in-law said, her husband doubled down and said he didn’t want Jane’s boyfriend at their house.
Since they all live in a tiny, rural town, she acknowledges that Jane’s boyfriend may have just made a lot of friends who took him down a dark path. She doesn’t want to rule out the possibility that maybe he could grow as a person and move past his criminal history. However, she knows that her husband doesn’t feel the same way. Plus, her husband already has a strained relationship with Jane in the first place due to events from when they were growing up.
Based on what she’s seen on Jane’s social media posts, it appears that Jane and her boyfriend are moving too fast in their relationship, and she told her husband about what Jane has been posting since he doesn’t follow Jane on any social media.
“He refuses to have her on social media after Jane blamed my hubby for all her misfortunate and why she is the way she is. My husband couldn’t care less if Jane came or not, but he has a soft spot for Jane’s daughter. He doesn’t want to ever make his niece feel unloved or disconnected from the family just because he doesn’t get along with Jane,” she shared.
In the end, she asked her husband if they should just not host holiday celebrations at their house anymore since her husband doesn’t want Jane’s boyfriend there. He didn’t seem too thrilled by that idea because he pointed out that no matter where the events are hosted, Jane only cares about getting gifts and eating the food the family made. Even though the events are supposed to be celebrating time and love with the entire family, Jane acts as if the gatherings are all about her.
Then, she asked her husband how he would feel if they still hosted gatherings but just didn’t invite Jane, and he said he’d think about it.
She wonders if her husband is concerned that if they don’t host gatherings at their house, his 83-year-old grandmother would be the one to host instead. His grandmother has done this in the past, and while her house isn’t too big, it could still work. If the family decided to do this, his grandmother wouldn’t be the one expected to do all the cooking.
“I would do the cooking and just bring it to Grandma’s. So, no stress on Grandma,” she continued.
The issue is that her husband’s grandmother has a ton of valuable and sentimental collectibles throughout her house. This would be a problem for the parents who have young children attending the celebrations because they’d have to carefully watch to make sure that their children didn’t break anything. Also, it would be way too easy for someone like Jane’s boyfriend to steal a lot of these collectibles if he wanted to.
Apparently, the only person Jane seems most excited to see at the family get-togethers is her brother, Jerry, because they are only two years apart in age, and he emotionally and financially supports Jane. Sadly, Jerry enables Jane’s bad behavior by constantly giving her money and not calling her out when she’s making terrible decisions. Jane wouldn’t attend any gatherings if Jerry wasn’t there.
Now, she doesn’t know what she and her husband should do.
Do you think she would be doing the right thing by refusing to host holiday celebrations at her house?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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