She’s Being Pushed Away From Her Grandchildren Since Their New Stepmom Doesn’t Like Her
Losing a daughter once nearly broke her. But losing her grandsons, slowly, quietly, one excuse at a time, feels like a second kind of grief no one prepared her for.
She’s not asking for much. Just a chance to stay connected to the boys who carry a piece of her daughter with them. But each time she tries to stay close, the door doesn’t quite open.
She’s met with polite dismissals, vague excuses, and the unmistakable feeling that her presence is more tolerated than welcomed.
Now she’s stuck in the in-between—unsure if she should keep reaching out and risk pushing them further away, or quietly fade into the background and grieve the memories she’s still hoping to make.
Seven years ago, this 72-year-old woman sadly lost her daughter after a battle with cancer. Her daughter was 43 when she passed away, and her daughter had two sons who are currently 14 and 17.
Over the years, she came to love her daughter’s husband as if he were her own child, and he’s always been extremely supportive.
“After our daughter passed, our son-in-law eventually began dating their nanny. Even when my daughter was still with us, I found this nanny a bit emotionally distant, at least towards my husband and [me],” she explained.
“She didn’t bond much with us, but she was good with the boys, and we loved her for that. As for how she treated us, I tried to write it off as her being young and just perhaps a bit shy and intimidated.”
Her son-in-law’s new wife is only 28, after all, so she was quite young at the time. Eventually, her son-in-law proposed, and his nanny gave up her job, so they hired another girl to take her place.
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Four years ago, her son-in-law and his new wife had their wedding, and then went on to have three children of their own. Right now, her son-in-law’s new wife is pregnant with a fourth baby.
She really hoped that as time wore on, her son-in-law’s new wife would warm up to her, but that has not happened.
Instead, she’s been met with silence and distance, and her attempts to form a bond have been dismissed.
“I truthfully feel like a ghost in their home at times. This woman has never necessarily said anything rude to me outright, but she is rather cold,” she added.
“I get the feeling things are said behind my back and that she’s just waiting for the day to blow up and let it all out on me. All conversations are distant. She doesn’t include me in things like school events, milestones, even little everyday moments.”
“If I visit, she often disappears into another room. If I ask to babysit or take the older grandkids for a day, she hesitates, checks with her husband, and usually says something like ‘not a good time right now.'”
Throughout the last year, her son-in-law’s new wife has made it clear there is never a convenient time for her to come see her grandkids, and it’s getting so much uglier.
Her son-in-law still makes an effort to bond with her. He gives her hugs when she stops by, wants to know how she is doing, but he always consults with his new wife and leaves things up to her.
She gets that marriage is about compromise and a happy wife equals a happy life. But finds it hurtful that it’s as if she has to make an appointment just to spend time with her grandkids, whom her daughter brought into this world.
Her grandkids used to come over and spend the weekend with her and her husband, but now she hardly sees them one day a month.
She would love to confront her son-in-law’s new wife, but what should she possibly say to her? She doesn’t feel like this woman is attempting to force her and her husband out of the family.
She wishes she would get invited on vacations or to holidays. She sends everyone presents, volunteers to help out with all the kids, and she never steps on anyone’s toes. No matter what she does, she’s still met with the same amount of frigidity.
“It feels like we’ve lost our daughter all over again by being slowly pushed out of her children’s lives. They’re my only grandchildren,” she continued.
“I’ve dreamed of watching them grow into young men, being part of their lives until my time comes. Instead, I’m being quietly erased at perhaps the most crucial point in their lives.”
“I don’t want to perpetuate the drama, and I don’t want our son-in-law to feel torn. That said, I do not want to lose the presence of these boys in our lives. Where do I go from here? Just accept this is how it’s going to be and back off? I’m feeling so lost and alone in all of this.”
What advice do you have for her?
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