She Opened Up About Wanting To Enter A New Career Field, But Her Husband Wants Her To Stay Home And Take Care Of Their Kids Right Now As His Mother Did

This 23-year-old woman and her husband, James, 23, got married recently.
She loves James and is thrilled to be married to him.
They dated all through college, and their school was far away from both of their hometowns. Because of this, it took time for her to get to know James’ parents and develop a relationship with them (his mother is 48, and his father is 67). His parents are super kind, and she gets along well with them.
Clearly, James’ parents have a huge age difference between the two of them. James told her that his mother and father dated for several years before they got married when his mother was 21 and his father was 40. She didn’t approve of that much of an age gap and the timeline of their relationship.
“For the first 14 or so years of their marriage, my mother-in-law stayed home taking care of James and his three younger siblings while my father-in-law worked as a pastor,” she said.
“About 10 years ago, my mother-in-law took a job as a schoolteacher and started working very long hours (about 70-80 hours per week during the school year). She still does this to this day.”
Several days ago, she and James were talking about how she wanted to enter a new career field. Currently, she has a job as an assistant, but since she studied science in college, she would be happy to work in the sciences if she had the opportunity.
James currently works for their local government in an assistant position.
After she mentioned this, James said that he wanted them to be able to do the same thing his parents did.

Fxquadro – stock.adobe.com- illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
He wanted her to stay home to take care of their children and start working again once the children had grown a bit older. James told her that he could be the financial breadwinner and work full-time hours while she took care of the children and the housework.
“I was taken aback by this, as James hasn’t mentioned anything like this before. I told him that what his parents did wouldn’t work for us, and I didn’t want to emulate them,” she explained.
Prior to getting married, she and James talked about what their marriage would look like. They both felt the same way and said that they wanted to continue working after having children.
She had several reasons why she wasn’t comfortable with James’ idea. When she compares her college degree with James’, she would bring in more money than he would.
Since James is only 23 and he’s trying to achieve the same situation that his father was in at 40, James doesn’t have that financial stability yet. She doesn’t feel confident that they could be comfortable with only James’ income.
Plus, she truly loves working and doesn’t want to stop anytime soon.
She doesn’t think it makes sense to try to copy what James’ parents did because she and James are totally different people and have different strengths. She is better with money, and James is a good cook.
The most crucial thing that prevents her from getting on board with James’ idea is that even though James’ mother works 40 or 50 hours a week, his mother is still the one who cooks, cleans, and keeps up with all other housework.
She has seen this with her own eyes, and she knows that her father-in-law doesn’t seem to be interested in doing any of these things himself. Understandably, she doesn’t want to be put in this position.
“James was upset with my response, saying that I was implying that my father-in-law is ‘lazy’ and that I was ‘disparaging their marriage.’ He thinks that this system worked well for them, so why wouldn’t it work for us?” she shared.
Now, her husband is angry with her, but she is still stunned that he came up with this plan out of nowhere.
While she hadn’t intended to hurt his feelings, her in-laws’ marriage isn’t something she wants to replicate in her marriage with James.
Since her husband has expressed in the past that he doesn’t want to be a stay-at-home father, she would consider possibly staying home to take care of the children for a short while as a compromise.
What would you do if you were in her shoes?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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