Two weeks ago, this 31-year-old man and his wife, Jess, 30, had their first child together.
Jess has several weeks of maternity leave from her job, and his job is hybrid. After the birth of their child, he’s been able to work remotely, but there isn’t much paternity leave offered at his company.
Understandably, even though they’re obviously thrilled with this new journey into parenthood, it’s been overwhelming as well. They spend so much time taking care of their baby and aren’t sleeping much. Plus, he has to work all day. Naturally, they’re extremely tired.
He tries to help Jess with the baby as much as possible during his workday, as well as in the morning and at night. Plus, he’s planning to take a leave from work soon so that he can be more available to take care of the baby. For Jess, not only is this an emotionally and mentally trying period in her life, but she is also physically healing from giving birth.
Luckily, Jess’s mother stayed with them and helped them for their first couple of weeks as new parents. This was the plan for months prior to the birth, and Jess’s mother was in the delivery room at Jess’s request. They have been greatly appreciative of the support his mother-in-law has provided during this exciting but stressful time.
Then, his mother planned, without asking for his or Jess’s opinions, to come see the baby immediately. She only told him of her idea right after the delivery, which was an incredibly busy time because he was also working and bringing Jess and their child to doctors’ appointments.
When he found out his mother’s plan, he and Jess said that they needed some time after having the baby so that they could settle into their new life and Jess could focus on recovering. They told his mother that they’d like at least a month before she came to visit, and at first, it seemed like she accepted their boundaries.
“That understanding apparently vanished when the baby was born, and now she is insisting on coming to ‘hold the baby.’ For background, my mom has a long track record of rubbing people the wrong way with obnoxious, manipulative, and superficially nice/actually petty and rude behavior, then crying victim that everyone has always been so mean to her,” he said.
Numerous people have made him aware of his mother’s toxic behavior, and unfortunately, his father hasn’t done anything to stop it and even twists situations to make those on the receiving end of the negativity feel like they’re in the wrong.