She’s Giving Her Boyfriend A Year And A Half To Decide If He Wants Kids, And If He Doesn’t, Then He Will Lose Her As His Girlfriend
This 20-year-old woman and her boyfriend, also 20, have been dating for a year.
Before becoming a couple, they hooked up, which eventually led to them deciding to be in an exclusive relationship.
She and her boyfriend had known each other during high school, and they had some mutual friends, so he wasn’t someone she’d just met randomly.
Right when they started dating, she made it clear that she wanted to have children one day, and this would be a dealbreaker for her if the other person didn’t want children.
In response, her boyfriend said that he felt the same way and added that he wanted to make sure he was more established financially before starting a family, and she felt like this was reasonable.
According to her life plan, she would like to have children in about five years or so, but even though she isn’t ready to have children yet, she obviously wants to make sure that the person she’s dating has similar life goals.
After her boyfriend said that he also wanted children, she felt comfortable assuming that what they wanted for their lives was aligned.
“In recent conversations, he’s expressed that he doesn’t know if he wants kids. And he said that he won’t propose if he doesn’t want kids. But I told him that I needed to have an answer about whether he wanted kids or not because that is something that I have to have. He got upset with me because he feels like I am giving him an ultimatum (which I kind of am) and that if he says he doesn’t want kids, he loses me,” she said.
She acknowledged that he was right about the fact that if he told her he didn’t want to have children, she would no longer remain in the relationship, but she would be willing to maintain a friendship with him because she believes that he’s a great person.
Drobot Dean – stock.adobe.com- illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
As part of the ultimatum, she is allowing him to take the next year to a year and a half to dig deep and think about what he wants for the future and whether he wants to have children or not. In her view, this is plenty of time, and she thinks she’s being more than generous.
“It still leaves me time to find someone to have a family with if he decides that he doesn’t want children,” she explained.
She clarified that she would never demand that her boyfriend have children with her if that went against what he wanted. And on the flip side, she wouldn’t want her boyfriend to push her into a life without children, going against her life goals.
Also, she added that she knows the hard work it takes to raise children and provide them care.
Since age 12, she has been a nanny for children of all ages and backgrounds, including infants and children who have disabilities and special needs.
“I know what it takes and that it is rough, and it’s not rainbows and unicorns. I know I want this, and, contrary to popular belief, not all young people are dumb or stupid or don’t know what they want out of life,” she shared.
Luckily, she has a degree that has allowed her to find a reliable job with fantastic pay. The company she works for provides great benefits, and she maintains a healthy work-life balance. Plus, she has already planned ahead and knows that she will have the opportunity to work remotely after having children.
Understandably, she feels frustrated when people act as if younger people haven’t thought about their futures realistically, emphasizing that she has everything planned out for herself.
In the end, her boyfriend said that he decided he didn’t want to have children, so they broke up. His reasoning was that he didn’t want to go forward with the huge financial costs involved with having children, and she recognized that his feelings were completely reasonable.
She would never want to push her boyfriend into a life he doesn’t want, and she acknowledged that that wouldn’t be the right thing to do, both in regard to her boyfriend’s feelings and for the well-being of a hypothetical child.
While she still loves her boyfriend very much, she has known that she has wanted to be a mother since she was a young girl, and her feelings about that have never wavered.
Even though she’s sad that her relationship has ended, she isn’t upset that her boyfriend changed his mind and decided he longer wanted children. She would rather know the truth so that she could meet someone else who wanted the same type of life that she did.
At the same time, her love for her boyfriend has allowed her to want happiness for him, too, which means her boyfriend one day finds a child-free partner. Her hope is that both of them find what they’re looking for, and she knows that it means they can’t be together.
Do you think she was wrong for giving her boyfriend an ultimatum?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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