Her Ex Is Making Their Daughter Sleep In The Same Bed As Him, Even Though She Cries About It
There’s a certain helplessness that comes with shared custody, because you can’t control what happens in the other house, and you can’t fix what feels wrong in your gut.
You just have to trust that the other parent will do what’s best. But when your child starts coming home deeply upset about what’s happening, it stops feeling like a difference in parenting style, and all you’re left with is instinct… and the hope that someone will take you seriously before it’s too late.
This woman is perfectly aware that co-sleeping is quite a normal thing for many parents to participate in, even after their kids grow out of the toddler stage.
She also thinks that, as kids grow up and want to sleep in the same bed as their parents on occasion, that’s acceptable too.
“I’m, however, very conflicted on how to handle a situation that I think has gone too far. My ex and I share custody of our daughter 50/50,” she explained.
“She is 8, and definitely pre-puberty. She needs to wear deodorant already and has recently started using training bras. The mood changes as well, and acne is apparent.”
“At home with me, she sleeps in her own bed. With her father, despite having her own bed, he chooses to sleep in her bed with her.”
And this brings us to where she is struggling. Her daughter has said to her and others multiple times that she does not want to sleep in the same bed as her dad.
She and her lawyers both reached out to her ex to tell him this and that he needs to give their daughter a space of her own.
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But her ex has refused to listen to them, and that’s what’s worrisome to her, especially since their daughter is growing more distraught over the arrangement.
“A few weeks ago, she had a friend over for a sleepover, and she cried about the idea of sharing the bed because she only gets space when she’s with me,” she added.
“Last week, she came home smelling extremely bad, like a man’s body odour. I know her father profusely sweats at night.”
“I messaged him again about it, in a very professional way, to ask him to allow her to have privacy…. especially as she reaches this stage in life. I didn’t accuse him of anything or bring up what I’ve heard from her. Just simply that this arrangement may be inappropriate.”
Still, her ex wouldn’t listen. Their daughter then said that her ex insists on sleeping in her bed since his is too uncomfortable, and he also will not allow her to sleep on his couch as an alternative option.
She’s upset that she could be doing more to stop her ex, though what he is doing is not considered illegal in the eyes of the law.
She has thought about calling children’s services, but she’s hesitant to do that, as it will definitely be negative for her ex.
“I wonder, does she really not want to sleep with him? Is she being honest? Is there not a…thing I can do for her?” she wondered.
This isn’t just some innocent, quirky parenting style; this is a grown man refusing to let an eight-year-old girl have basic privacy in her own bed. That’s creepy. And since their daughter doesn’t feel safe, that should be the end of the conversation.
This is the age when their daughter is learning about her body and her right to say no. Right now, the person who’s supposed to protect those boundaries is ignoring them.
I think it’s dangerous because if she learns that saying “I don’t want this” doesn’t matter in her own home, she’ll carry that lesson into every room she walks into for the rest of her life.
If a grown man’s comfort matters more than an eight-year-old’s safety, something is seriously wrong. And the longer this goes unchecked, the worse it will feel when everyone finally admits they should’ve done more, sooner.
What do you think?
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