She’s A Psychologist Breaking Down The Seven Different “Emotional Stages” That Many People Go Through Following A Breakup Or Loss

Chip Chick |

Nov 22, 2023

Krakenimages.com - stock.adobe.com - illustrative purposes only, not the actual person

Breakups are one of the most stressful life events a person can live through.

I mean, it makes sense, right? You started spending months or even years of your life sharing very intimate experiences with someone, only for your relationship with them to end rather suddenly or in a painful, slow burn.

People who’ve experienced a few breakups will likely agree that getting through them happens in stages. Healing from these kinds of life events certainly isn’t a linear process, and everyone has different experiences, but there are also a lot of shared and similar experiences.

Dr. Lalitaa Suglani (@dr.lalitaa), a psychologist known for making educational psychology posts on social media, has broken down the seven ’emotional stages’ many go through after going through a breakup or suffering from a loss. Here’s what they are:

Stage #1: Shock and Denial

In this stage, you’re going through shock and still can’t believe this is happening to you. You may refuse to accept this is reality and think everything will go back to normal within a few hours or days. Even if you try to occupy your mind with something else, you can’t stop thinking about that person and what just happened.

Stage #2: Desperate Need For Answers

After the shock stage has begun to fade away, you may start looking for more thorough answers as to why you’re experiencing this. You’ll likely start looking for someone to blame and turn to yourself, asking yourself what’s wrong with you or wondering what you did wrong.

Your head will suddenly be filled with questions and “what if” scenarios. You might find it hard to accept what is and isn’t out of your control.

Krakenimages.com – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person

Stage #3: Fear, Loneliness, and Sadness

This is when a breakup or loss tends to get really difficult. Right about now, all the fear, loneliness, and sadness sets in.

You begin feeling afraid that you’ll always be alone, you may feel bothered from being by yourself, and you may experience symptoms of depression or anxiety. In this stage, it’s normal to want to stay in bed all day and avoid facing the world.

Stage #4: Bargaining

After dealing with all that fear, loneliness, and sadness, you’ll likely dwell on the past and get stuck thinking about what you could’ve done differently.

You may have a sudden urge to go back in time and fix the past while thinking of all the ways you could’ve changed things.

Stage #5: Anger

Once you’ve passed stage #4 of your breakup, you will get angry. And who could blame you? I’d be angry at something or someone, too, if I just broke up with someone I saw myself having a future with.

Anger also ignites a certain fire spark in us that can make us feel awake or revived after a period of sadness.

Stage #6: Peace and Acceptance

Once you’ve worked through your anger, the light at the end of the emotional healing tunnel will shine a little brighter. Eventually, you’re going to accept what happened, and you’re going to find peace.

Through positive social interactions and working through your grief, you’ll begin to feel stronger and learn a lot about yourself. You’ll find peace in re-discovering that you are a lovable person and will find a happy relationship again someday.

Stage #7: Forgiveness

While you don’t necessarily have to forgive the person you broke up with, you can find ways to forgive yourself. Remember how, in the earlier stages, there were mentions of self-doubt and blame? Now, it’s time to forgive yourself, forgive others, and move on.

Now is the time to take your newfound strength and get back to building a better life for yourself.

Again, breakups are far from easy, but as you move through each emotional stage of one, you’ll find that things will get better and better. Good luck!

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