She Feels Guilty About Moving Out Of Her House And Leaving Her Disabled Mom Without A Caregiver, Even Though She Tried To Help Her Mom Find A Replacement For Months
Many of us fear the day we may have to move our parents into assisted living homes. It is a heartbreaking process, as you don’t want your parent to think you’re abandoning them, but you also may be in a place where you can’t be their full-time caregiver.
One woman is feeling guilty after committing to moving out of her home, leaving her without a caregiver, even though she told her it would happen months in advance.
She’s 27-years-old and works as an occupational therapy assistant in a nursing facility. She has a five-year-old daughter and a 65-year-old mom.
Two years ago, she got divorced and needed to move in with her mom to raise her daughter, finish college, and get back on her feet.
“My mom has spinal stenosis, which [causes] her to be slowly paralyzed from about the middle back down.,” she explained.
“When I moved in, she [could] still walk to the bathroom but used a wheelchair when going further. I didn’t really agree to become her caregiver but ended up doing more and more because she suddenly started to decline. By the time I was in my last year of college, I was spending around six hours throughout the day helping her transfer to and from the toilet, helping her get dressed, caring for her reoccurring wounds, taking her to appointments, as well as taking on all the housework. Now, she can’t do much more than take a single step.”
At first, she didn’t mind helping her mom, especially since she didn’t have to pay rent to live with her. However, juggling being a caretaker, mom, and student took its toll on her mental health, and she’s ready to move into a new chapter of her life.
Over six months ago, she began telling her mom she needed to start looking for a new caregiver, as she’d start looking for a new job and would need to move for work.
“I took the time to provide information from caregiver agencies, home share programs, senior center discounts, and I helped her sign up for Medicare and found a lawyer that specialized in financial and estate planning to prepare for qualifying for Medicaid without losing the house or her savings,” she said.
JLabrador – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual person
“After getting a job, I told her outright that I would be moving in June, and she needed to move forward with one of the options. I even offered to help pay for care and meet any caregivers so I could show and explain to them how she wanted things done. She kept brushing it off every time.”
At one point, she arranged for someone from a caretaking agency to go to her mom’s house for a meeting, but her mom turned them away in person, stating she didn’t want to pay their fees.
Now, she’ll be moving in about two weeks, and her mom hasn’t made any plans to get another caregiver in her home.
Currently, her mom thinks she can get through her daily routine by talking to some students at the local nursing school and seeing if some of them would stop by the house whenever she calls for $30 an hour. However, that plan doesn’t seem very sustainable.
“I’m going to move no matter what,” she added.
“I am going to help her for two hours after work [for] three days a week and help her shower every weekend, but she’s going to be on her own for the most part.”
However, after all of this back and forth, she wonders if she’s a bad daughter for moving out of her mom’s without knowing there will be a full-time caretaker to take over.
Should she feel guilty, or is she doing the right thing for herself and her daughter?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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