His Dad Failed Their Family And He Wants To Finally Tell Him The Truth, Even Though It Will Hurt Him
Throughout this 45-year-old man’s entire life, he and his 73-year-old dad have struggled to have a somewhat decent relationship.
He has zero respect for his dad, and the decisions his dad has made over the years resulted in growing resentment on his end.
There are four things in particular about his dad that are especially upsetting to him, starting with the fact that his dad cheated on his mom with every woman he could find, which ended with his parents divorcing by the time he turned 7.
His dad didn’t learn his lesson from there and kept cheating with the women he dated after his mom, never managing to remain faithful to anyone. What made it worse was that his dad actually bragged about his philandering ways to his face.
His dad additionally ended up on the wrong side of the law after he knowingly participated in illegal and dangerous activities.
And finally, his dad maintains he loves him and his brother, yet his dad has skipped out on actually being a parent to them. His dad was not available during their childhood, and on the rare occasions he was around, he didn’t make any kind of effort.
“One of the biggest things I have issue with is that he suffers from grand delusions about himself,” he explained.
“Everything he does, he is (according to him) “the best ever,” there is nothing he does that he does not consider himself a complete natural expert.”
“For the last 40 years I’ve had to listen to him expounding his abilities, all the while considering him completely mediocre in every sense of the word. This is one of the hardest things to deal with.”
Viacheslav Yakobchuk – stock.adobe.com – illustrative purposes only, not the actual people
As he became an adult, he used every reason in the book to create distance between himself and his dad and avoid having to be around him.
His own wife finds his dad repulsive and refuses to be anywhere near him. If his dad does come over, he simply says hello, ignores his grandkids, and takes a seat to talk only about himself until they can get him to leave.
His dad is the kind of person who takes and takes and can’t give, let alone provide any benefit to those around him.
Currently, his dad is extremely ill with COPD and pneumonia, which has landed him in the hospital several times over the last four weeks.
It seems his dad’s condition is so dire he most likely won’t recover and has limited time left on this earth.
He’s never once told his dad the truth about how he feels, namely, that his dad failed their family. It’s occurred to him the window is closing for him to have a realistic discussion with his dad about the matter.
“That said, due to this version of himself he believes, I think it would destroy him to hear my honesty,” he said.
“And if we were to have the conversation, to what end? I’m unsure if it would make a difference. My Mum was saying only this morning, ‘He’s always been the same, and he’ll never change.’ So I guess my question is: is it more important that I get this stuff off my chest, OR do I keep it to myself so as to not inflict emotional suffering on someone who is already dealing with a lot right now?”
“I am also well aware that I am privileged. I wasn’t abused in any way, and my Dad did actually love me, even if he is completely egocentric at heart. I’m aware so many people have a more difficult relationship with their parents or are not able to have any relationship at all with their parents, but despite this, my internal struggles with this issue still seem difficult and are taking up more headspace than I would like to allocate right now.”
What advice do you have for him?
You can read the original post on Reddit here.
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