10 Questions To Ask Your Partner After A Fight
It’s Easy To Say Things You Don’t Mean In A Fight With Your Partner
The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer. So, you just had a fight. Hopefully, it was productive and constructive. Regardless, emotions run high during a fight.
Maybe you said things you didn’t mean because you were angry and hurt. Now that the fight is over, the focus must be on repairing any damage done and reconnecting.
Here Are 10 Questions To Ask Your Partner After A Fight
Communicating better and having healthier conflicts are great goals to have with your partner, no matter how long you’ve been together.
Here are 10 questions for you to ask your partner after a fight to help you both heal and move forward together.
1: Why Do You Think This Fight Happened?
Each of you has a version of this fight in your mind. Checking in to see how the other person is feeling will help you resolve what caused the fight and reconnect with a better understanding of each other.
2: What Do You Need From Me To Feel More Connected Moving Forward?
Checking in with each other to see what is required to reconnect is a great way to establish warmth and security moving forward after a fight.
This could be showing affection, keeping love languages and attachment styles in mind, and making genuine apologies if needed.
3: Do You Feel Like I Understand What Made You Upset In The First Place?
This means there is a clear understanding of the part you played in the fight. For example, did you say something or do something that started the fight or made it worse?
Do you understand why this upset your partner? Has this caused conflicts before? Understanding what bothers your partner is key to upsetting them less in the future.
4: Do You Feel Like I Took Responsibility For My Part In This Fight?
There are two sides, and both need to show accountability for their part. Own up and apologize if need be. Show responsibility when you mess up. This shows your partner you are trustworthy and safe.
5: Do You Have Any Lingering Resentment You Need To Unpack?
Make sure neither of you is holding something back that could start another fight later. Resentment is a relationship killer.
6: What Do You Want Me To Think About If This Issue Comes Up Again?
Take note of any feedback your partner gives you about how you handle conflict and communicate your thoughts and feelings so that if the same fight comes around again, you can handle it better next time.
7: What Can I Do To Make You Feel Safe The Next Time We Fight?
No matter what, your partner should feel safe with you, even during a fight. If you did not handle it the best way, ask what you can do better next time so they feel comfortable navigating the conflict with you.
Conflict is always easier to resolve if both partners feel safe. Fear in a conflict will create defensiveness, which is a recipe for an unhealthy fight.
8: Do You Feel Like You Understand My Side Of This?
Understanding your partner’s perspective is key to a constructive fight. Both of you have valid points, so you and your partner need to check in and ensure you understand where the other is coming from.
9: Was There Anything I Said Or Did During The Fight That Was Not Okay?
Did you yell? Did you name-call? Did you throw previous wrongdoings in their face? Ask your partner if you said or did anything that made the fight worse or wasn’t okay with them. Take note so that next time it doesn’t happen.
10: No Matter What We Fought About, You Know I Love And Appreciate You, Right?
After every fight, check in with your partner and ensure that after it’s all said and done, you still love and appreciate each other. With that established, reconnecting and repairing any damage done becomes much easier.
Take these questions into your next fight and establish healthier communication when the fight is over. Fighting will not ruin a relationship, but failing to repair and reconnect once the fight ends will.
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