He Gave His Wife An Ultimatum: She Can Find Another Man To Give Her A Third Child Or She Can Accept That He’s Done Having Kids
For eight years, this 31-year-old man and his 31-year-old wife have been married, and they have two little kids together, with their youngest being four.
He and his wife have agreed that they wanted more than one child, but that they would decide on how many kids to have after experiencing parenthood.
Right after they welcomed their second child into the world, he acknowledged that he was finished, and his wife was accepting of that.
However, she recently changed her mind, and his wife wanting a third child is stressing their marriage.
“Six or so months ago my wife told me she wanted at least one more child and I told her I understood but I didn’t and couldn’t do another kid,” he explained.
“She asked me what she could do to change my mind. She said we could do daycare 5 days a week regardless of whether we’re working or not. She suggested using our families to babysit more often so we’d have more time off.”
“She suggested that she would go back to her old job so we’d have more money. A job that she hated and was glad to leave and she swore she would never return to. One she vented about on a regular basis. While I believe she would do it I don’t think that would help us out long term because she’d just be extra stressed.”
His wife then said it would be fine with her if he didn’t want to be as involved with their third child’s life, which he found alarming.
He couldn’t picture having a kid he didn’t want and treating them in a different way than their other children. The fact that his wife thought that was an acceptable suggestion truly hurt him.
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Now, he has a number of reasons for not wanting more kids, one of which is that it was super hard for him to handle their youngest while his wife was hospitalized amid her pregnancy with their second.
While he was stressed out from that, he got into a fight with his wife’s sister after she asked him to babysit for her multiple times while his wife was still in the hospital.
A second reason he wants to stop at two kids is because of the financial obligation. He and his wife already spend a fortune on childcare with the two they have.
One of their children does have medical problems, and while it’s not anything that will threaten their life, the medication they are on is expensive.
He wants to be able to prioritize this child’s health, and that will be tough if they add the expense of a third child.
His final reason for wanting to stay with two kids is that it’s a lot to find enough time to dedicate to his wife and kids as it is. He doesn’t have the time or energy to add another child to their family.
He has shared his feelings with his wife, but she still thinks there’s some kind of compromise to be found.
“And now we’ve reached a point where my wife has admitted to me that while she doesn’t want a divorce she resents my refusal to give in and will resent me if I won’t have more children with her, at least one more,” he added.
“She told me she won’t be able to help it because she feels this burning desire for more kids. She told me I won’t even try her compromises. I told her it’s too late to compromise when a child is already here. I told her we can’t take a third child back.”
He’s not willing to be the kind of dad who messes up his kids because he can’t devote enough time to one or all of them.
He insisted that his wife had to make a choice. Well, actually he gave her an ultimatum: she could accept that she’s only going to have two kids with him and resolve the resentment so they can fix their marriage, or they can get divorced and she can find a man who can give her that third baby.
He let his wife know that he was done going back and forth about baby number three since this will never be something he can get on board with.
“My wife told me it’s not fair to give her an ultimatum like this. Maybe she’s right. But she wants to deal with this between us and nobody else and for six months we have made no progress,” he continued.
“She’s just growing to resent me more every day because I won’t give her a third child.”
What advice do you have for him?
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