He Split Up With His Wife Following Her Affair With A Coworker, But Now She’s Sending Him Mixed Signals
A couple of years ago, this 33-year-old man got married to his 28-year-old wife after dating one another for more than six years.
They’ve had their highs and lows throughout their time spent together, but he never imagined that something (or someone) would come between them.
Five months ago, his wife cheated on him with a coworker, and while she mentioned it was a momentary slip-up, there was a big emotional component to the cheating.
“She ended it, says she regrets it, and claims she doesn’t even understand how she could have done it,” he explained.
“However, while she closed the door on the affair, she said that she has been feeling unhappy for over a year. Without clearly expressing what makes her unhappy.”
Three weeks back, following many emotionally charged discussions, he and his wife officially split up. Their breakup was not some kind of a crazy meltdown – it was more of a steady parting of ways.
His wife admitted she felt like she needed her own space, couldn’t tell if she was happy, and feared she lost her true self amid everything.
As for him, he pushed for more transparency. He wasn’t cool with being left hanging, without any answers. He said to his wife that if she had doubts about them, he would not wait for eternity while she figured her feelings out.
After the breakup, he moved in with a friend and has given his wife the space she asked for while trying to prioritize himself.
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“At one point, I asked her if we should move forward with the divorce, and she said “No, not yet.” She didn’t really elaborate beyond that, which left me feeling even more confused,” he added.
This leads us to the mixed signals. Remember, he and his wife are no longer together, yet she continuously contacts him.
She will send him videos on TikTok, or photos of their dogs. She will let him know about tiny details, though she avoids discussing their relationship, or lack thereof.
When his wife does this, it prevents him from moving on with his own life, as he resolved not to sit and wait for her to work through what it is she’s experiencing.
“I recognize this as breadcrumbing—keeping me emotionally hooked without giving me any real clarity. It feels like she wants to keep a connection alive but isn’t willing to fully commit to fixing things,” he said.
“What I’m Struggling With 1. I still love her, but I don’t want to be in limbo. 2. She hasn’t made any effort to truly fix things, only small casual interactions. 3. I feel like I’m just waiting for her to figure things out, which isn’t fair to me.”
“4. I don’t want to be “friends” right now, but I also struggle with ignoring her completely. 5. She doesn’t want to move forward with the divorce, but also isn’t taking steps toward reconciliation.”
There’s a piece of him that thinks he should go no-contact with his wife, but then he wonders if she’s reaching out in subtle ways since she does want to fix their marriage.
He’s curious if he should set a deadline on how long to wait until he should be the one to close the door on his wife for good.
Or do you think he should quit replying to her?
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