She’s Worried Her Mom Has Munchausen Syndrome By Proxy After Going Away To College And No Longer Feeling Sick
This 19-year-old woman grew up to believe that she was sick, mainly because that’s what her mother always told her.
Yet, ever since she went away to college and stopped taking her medications, she’s realized that she isn’t in pain at all. Now, she believes her mother actually has Munchausen syndrome by proxy, and she feels totally betrayed.
For some context, she knows that she definitely was born with cerebral palsy, because that diagnosis came before her dad left. Then, his departure is what seemingly pushed her mom to spiral out of control.
She thinks her cerebral palsy is a lot milder than her mom led her to believe, though, because recently, she has been able to walk. Not to mention, her aunt actually has pictures of her walking from when she was around 5 years old, before her mom became “incredibly overprotective.”
“My dad left when I was 6 years old, and that’s when I ‘got sick,’ I guess. The thing is, I have no idea now if I was sick at all, which is kind of insane because you’d think I’d know if I was sick,” she detailed.
It all began when she came down with a virus one day, which left her vomiting and exhausted. Her mom proceeded to bring her to a doctor, and her illness simply never went away. Instead, she was continually given medicine, and throughout her childhood, she constantly felt sick and tired.
“The therapist I have through my college has said that memory is faulty; that whether or not I was sick, if I was told I was sick my whole life, I’d remember it that way,” she noted.
She and her mom would frequently go to different doctors to obtain more opinions on her health since her mother was sure something was wrong with her. She hated all the tests they conducted, and one day, she actually broke down in front of a group of med students and begged them to make her feel better.
By the time she was 15, a doctor ultimately diagnosed her with cancer. But the strange thing is, there were never scans or biopsies conducted. Next, she was even diagnosed with fibromyalgia, POTS, and chronic fatigue.
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“Somewhere early on in there, I was also given a wheelchair, and I remember my mom telling me I couldn’t walk. And I guess I just believed her?” she recalled.
“And then, my muscles got so weak from not using them that I actually couldn’t, at least that’s what the physical therapist I’m seeing thinks happened.”
Anyway, since she was supposedly diagnosed with cancer, her mom started giving her tons of pills every single day, and she always felt “out of it” and as if she was “dying.” Once she turned 17, her doctor finally said she was in remission, but again, her mom was certain that she was still sick and continued bringing her to more doctors.
She wound up begging her mom to go to college since she wanted to lead a normal life. In response, her mom apparently looked at her as if she were “humoring a little kid playing pretend.” Nonetheless, she was eventually allowed to go to college under one condition: she needed to return home every weekend so her mom could check on her health.
It was her leaving home that helped her realize she might’ve never been sick after all. She just randomly decided to quit taking her medications, and suddenly, her nausea and fatigue went away. She realized she wasn’t in much pain at all, either.
Her college, which is a health school, also happens to have a free physical therapy clinic, and she decided to visit it. The therapist evaluated her and had her do some exercises, which led them to the conclusion that the reason she couldn’t walk was actually intense muscle deconditioning.
“So, I’ve been practicing, and now I can at least do shorter distances without my chair. I’m practicing,” she said.
She visited her college’s health clinic as well, and the doctors weren’t able to find anything wrong with her. Now, she feels completely betrayed.
For her entire life, she was raised to think that she was sick and struggled to make friends since she was viewed as the “weird, sick girl.” She feels that she never learned how to be a “person” and has no idea who she actually is outside of her diagnoses, which apparently aren’t even true.
“I grew up believing I would die before I became an adult because I was so sick. I just am so overwhelmed,” she vented.
“I don’t know how or if I should call out my mom. I don’t want to go home for the summer. I don’t want to start taking medicine again. I just feel broken and lost.”
But while she’s angry at her mother, she knows that Munchausen syndrome by proxy is a mental health condition, which is why she feels guilty for even being mad. This whole situation has left her extremely confused and unsure of what to do next.
Would you feel the same way in her shoes? Should she try to obtain her medical records? What other advice would you give her?
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