7 Signs You’re Staying In Your Relationship Because You’re Afraid To Start Over
Have You Ever Heard Of “Sunk Cost Fallacy?”
The following column is the opinion and analysis of the writer. Have you ever known someone who continued going to college to get their degree, even though they no longer felt passionate about their specific field of study?
In most cases, these individuals fall victim to the “sunk cost fallacy.” Essentially, they continue putting their time or money into something, despite knowing it’s a failing endeavor, just because they’ve already invested effort into it for a while.
This fallacy can be found in all areas of our lives, but especially in romantic relationships. After spending a long time together, couples develop routines and joint lifestyles that feel safe and comfortable, even if they’re not filled with passion or love.
Here Are 7 Signs You’re Staying In Your Relationship Because You’re Afraid To Start Over
Yet, many individuals choose to remain in these lackluster relationships anyway since the idea of starting over is terrifying.
I get it: going through a breakup, finding your flow again as a single person, and stepping back into the dating pool aren’t easy endeavors. But sticking around purely because you’re afraid of the unknown or unfamiliar will be tougher in the long run, leaving you unfulfilled and lacking a genuine romantic connection.
So, if you can relate, now’s the time for a wake-up call. Here are seven signs that your fear of starting over is pushing you to stay in your relationship.
1. Remaining Stagnant Seems Easier Than Dealing With Your Issues
All relationships have problems, but what differentiates healthy partnerships from toxic ones is the ability for couples to discuss their issues openly and honestly.
When communication is broken down, and you and your partner opt to sweep things under the rug to “keep the peace” instead of growing together, you two are actively choosing to stay stagnant instead of confronting the truth.
The problem is that while ignorance can seem blissful for a little while, denial doesn’t make disagreements or fundamental relationship differences just disappear. And the longer you pretend everything’s fine to avoid the unknown, the more you stifle your true feelings and risk losing your sense of self.
2. You Don’t Want To “Waste” The Effort You’ve Already Put In
Opening up to someone is scary enough, let alone meeting their friends and family, moving in together, blending your lives, and even tying the knot or having kids. So, can you imagine having to go through all of that again with a brand-new person?
The idea of “wasting” the amount of effort you’ve already put into getting to know someone (and letting that same person into your life) is enough to prevent countless individuals from leaving relationships that no longer feel right.
But you have to remember that while being vulnerable again will take work and courage, it’ll open up the opportunity for a new partnership that’s ten times more fulfilling.
3. You Justify Your Partner’s Flaws
When we are too afraid to stand up for ourselves, we tend to allow people to treat us badly. Moreover, we might even justify their mistakes and hurtful actions.
Ask yourself this: if you spoke up about everything that upsets or frustrates you in your relationship, do you think you and your partner could recover? Would they work on bettering themselves and make compromises, or might that be the end of you two?
If your answer is the latter, realize that you may be keeping quiet and allowing your partner to mistreat you because you’re scared of the outcome. But staying in a relationship that’s toxic is no better than having to start over.
4. You’re More In Love With Memories Than Your Current Relationship
Memories are undoubtedly nostalgic, reminding us of fun experiences and meaningful moments. However, they should also continue to be made throughout the course of a relationship.
Do you often find yourself reminiscing about the “good old days” while not really enjoying your partner or your overall relationship in the present?
This could suggest you’re holding onto past instances when things were “working” to justify staying with your partner today.
5. Your Partner Feels Like A Roommate
The things that separate platonic relationships from romantic ones are love, affection, and deep emotional connection. So, when those aspects are lacking, it’s quite easy for couples to fall into a “roommate” pattern.
You may live together, tackle responsibilities alongside each other, and work toward common goals. However, conversation doesn’t go beyond the mundane, the “spark” is gone, and you two rarely show real love for one another.
Having someone you can live life with is undeniably comforting, but it can’t take the place of a genuine partnership.
6. Your Loved Ones Can Tell You’re Struggling
Sometimes, we are just too close to situations to see the bigger picture. Or, we throw on rose-colored glasses and opt to ignore the red flags.
Our support systems, on the other hand, have an outside perspective on our lives and can usually see when something’s wrong.
If your friends or family members have noticed that you’re emotionally withdrawn or just going through the motions and have expressed concern, listen to them. You deserve a life that’s more satisfying and rewarding than that, even if that means starting fresh.
7. You Frequently Picture Life Without Them
Finally, our fantasies are often the most telling of all. If I were to ask you to envision your ideal life, what would pop into your mind? A life with someone who looks like your partner (but acts differently), a life where you’re solo, or a life in which you’re with another person?
If any of these answers are correct, you obviously are not happy with your current relationship. Perhaps you even daydream about alternative lives for yourself on a regular basis.
I know it can be tempting to listen to logic for a multitude of reasons, but you can’t ignore your heart forever. If you’re already emotionally detached from your partner and can picture a life without them, then you must conquer the fear of starting over for the sake of your own well-being.
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