She Left Her Husband Before He Had Serious Surgery On His Back, Since He Cheated On Her And Refused To Show Her Any Respect
She didn’t walk away because of the cheating, she walked away because of everything that came after. He blamed her.
He disrespected her. He refused to take accountability, even when given every chance. She supported him emotionally, financially, and even planned her life around his recovery. And still, he chose blame over growth, cruelty over repair.
Now she’s questioning if the timing makes her heartless. But when someone shows you—again and again—that your pain doesn’t matter, is there ever really a right moment to leave?
This 37-year-old woman’s husband, Dave, has needed serious back surgery for years. They had a year to prepare for Dave going under the knife.
At the time, she was working away from their house, and she had a high-paying career, while Dave was unemployed.
“I was paying for all our expenses other than half the rent, and saving so I could take time off while he recovered,” she explained.
Dave surprisingly grew resentful of her, even though she bent over backwards for him. Dave expected her to constantly be home to keep him company.
Last December, Dave revealed to her that he had cheated while she was working, and he only told her because he felt guilty about it.
“I was alone, and I grieved for my future. The entire life I had, and the person I believed him to be, evaporated. But I wasn’t done yet,” she added.
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“I tried on reconciliation for real. In our first couples therapy appointment, he dominated the session. He described me with absolute disdain. I took it because I was witnessing what healing could look like.”
“Turns out it was full of blame-shifting, and an unwillingness to acknowledge my experience. My perspective wasn’t permitted to exist, because it was contradictory to his. I’d say ‘I don’t feel respected, or loved.’ He’d say ‘That isn’t true I love you completely, and respect you.'”
She asked Dave countless times how he wound up cheating, and he pointed the finger at her, claiming it was her fault.
She said to Dave that she needed him to begin therapy on his own and if he refused, she was prepared to walk away from him.
He went to one single session, and he came home and mentioned his therapist stated he did not need to have therapy.
She questioned Dave about when his second session would be, and he informed her it was no longer a priority for him.
“A few days later I ended the relationship. He immediately lashed out at me, and the superiority started to show up,” she continued.
“The separation has been brutal. He has projected all the major hits onto me. Such as ‘I don’t trust you. You are toxic and abusive. I handled you with kid gloves. If I do anything that ever bothers you don’t tell me about it. You aren’t capable of self-awareness and growth.’ Including threatening to throw my things on the lawn. I also opted to leave him…everything plus half of the savings I had accumulated for his surgery.”
“The part that I am struggling with is why. The choice to become absolutely vial, and continue to blame-shift. I did so much for this man. Just why? He made the choices. He chose to cheat. He chose to ignore the communicated boundaries. He chose to go through this surgery and recovery alone. There were so many opportunities to be better. I could have worked past the cheating, but what I couldn’t ignore was who he was after.”
Do you think she was wrong to leave Dave right before he had a serious surgery?
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