When you marry someone with health struggles, you expect to be a partner in the hard moments, not a target for their rage.
For years, he’s been his wife’s primary caregiver, but instead of gratitude or even just respect, he’s gotten escalating violence.
It’s the kind of behavior that would be unacceptable no matter who the abuser is, but because it’s coming from his wife, and she’s a woman with chronic illnesses, he knows some people will try to excuse it.
He doesn’t. He’s already lining up his escape hatch, and he’s certain that zero tolerance for spousal abuse should go both ways.
Now he’s wondering if anyone could possibly think he’s in the wrong for refusing to stay married to someone who keeps putting their hands on him.
For the last three years, this man has been his wife’s caregiver after her health quickly deteriorated. His wife has a few chronic illnesses, which he knew about from the start of their being together.
None of that mattered to him, though, and he fell in love with his wife. However, lately, her behavior has been completely unhinged.
She’s scratched him, punched him, and even attempted to shove him down a flight of stairs. Her violence has escalated, and after she literally punched him in his face and head multiple times while he was driving in the car with her, he’s done.
“I must have done something horrible to make her act that way, right? Not really. My wife had been upset about a trip my family planned for a parent’s milestone birthday,” he explained.
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“She didn’t want me to go, and she thought the way the trip was planned was inconsiderate and didn’t do a good enough job of accommodating her health needs.”
“So while we were in the car, she was getting pissed off and wanted to call my brother to confront him about how badly things were planned. He didn’t pick up, so she went to use my phone, but I changed the pin because I had started documenting her behavior.”
When his wife noticed this, she spiraled into a fit of rage and punched him over and over again. He was driving, doing 30 miles per hour in a construction area with tons of traffic and extremely narrow lanes. It terrified him so badly.
The following evening, his wife showed remorse for what happened in the car, and he simply told her it was unacceptable.
He didn’t make threats or tip his hand to wanting a divorce. He couldn’t believe he had to even tell his wife that it was not right that she put her hands on him.
Then, his wife didn’t even speak to her therapist about her behavior, and she said she had ‘too many other priorities’ considering her poor health.
Weeks after that, his wife punched him once more and nearly succeeded in pushing him down some stairs. A week later, he was dialing up divorce attorneys.
He is about to leave, but he’s not going to give his wife a warning; he’s going to let his attorney be the one to tell her.
“She talks about how I’m the only one that’s there for her. She’s going to be crushed, and she might go ballistic. I’m going to let a few of her family members and close friends know what’s happening and that she’s going to need their help,” he added.
“I’m going to take other precautions to try and prevent any self-destructive behavior. I’m also going to line up some temporary help with things like meal prep.”
“Am I the [jerk] here? After learning more about spousal abuse, particularly when it’s women hitting men, I’ve decided I agree with the attitude that people who hit their spouses shouldn’t be married. I believe that gender and context don’t matter. Zero tolerance of physical abuse is the only way.”
What do you think?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
