He’s Disgusted With His Wife For Letting Herself Go, And She Freaked Out On Him When He Told Her The Truth
When two people get married, they expect each other to keep showing up; not just in the good times, but in the everyday effort that makes a relationship thrive.
For him, that effort hasn’t been mutual for a long time. The woman he fell in love with was energetic, confident, and fully engaged in their life together.
Now, he feels like she’s checked out, both physically and emotionally, while still expecting him to pretend nothing has changed. He’s kept up his end, but every attempt is met with deflection or shutdown.
Admitting that his attraction has faded feels like speaking a forbidden truth, yet he’s wondering if wanting a partner who still tries makes him shallow… or just honest.
Nine years ago, this 36-year-old man married his 34-year-old wife. Back when they got married, his wife took amazing care of herself.
She was active and healthy. She went to the gym, got all dolled up for date nights, and was invested in keeping their physical connection alive.
His wife was full of confidence, and he was super attracted to her back in the day.
“Now? She’s gained over 70 pounds, lives in sweatpants, eats DoorDash almost every night, and hasn’t stepped foot in a gym in years,” he explained.
“She’s out of breath walking up the stairs and spends hours on the couch scrolling TikTok. The only time she wants intimacy is when the lights are off and she’s under the covers, and even then, it’s rare.”
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“Here’s what pisses me off: if I stopped showering, got fat, and quit trying entirely, she’d call me lazy and unattractive. But when she does it, I’m ‘shallow’ if I notice?”
Not only has his wife gained weight, but she’s turned into a hypocrite. He goes to the gym at least five days a week and makes healthy food.
He’s also desperately trying to keep the romance with his wife alive, but he thinks he’s the only one making an effort, while she’s busy treating him like a roommate.
He’s very kindly tried to help his wife get fit and get it together. He’s brought up going to the gym with her. He’s tried to hire a personal trainer for her.
He’s suggested taking walks at night with her. She always pushes him off and says that perhaps in another month she will be open to what he’s saying, but it never happens.
“When I finally told her I miss the woman I married, she flipped it on me, saying I only care about her looks. No. I care about the fact that she’s given up,” he continued.
“Marriage is supposed to be a partnership, not one person coasting while the other keeps putting in the work. So yeah, maybe I am less attracted to her now. And maybe I’m tired of pretending that’s not the case. But why is that such a crime to admit?”
“If being honest about losing attraction makes me ‘the bad guy,’ then maybe marriage really is just a trap where you’re not allowed to have standards anymore.”
What advice do you have for him?
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