Love can last a long time, but compatibility is what makes a relationship future-proof. He knows marriage is the natural next step to take in his relationship, but all he feels is dread.
It’s not a lack of affection or shared history; it’s the frustration of carrying the mental load alone and feeling like his partner has no curiosity or drive to grow. What once felt manageable now seems like a lifelong burden he isn’t sure he wants to keep carrying.
This 25-year-old man has spent the last six years with his girlfriend, who is the same age as him. While he says their relationship is pretty wonderful in that they have a lot of common interests and beliefs, there’s one thing that’s really bothering him as they get more serious.
They’ve been together so long that he knows marriage is the next step, but he’s worried about spending forever with his girlfriend.
“I would say this has been on my mind for over a year, hoping and praying it would go away, but it just won’t, and if anything, it’s getting stronger. I just have a gut feeling I won’t be happy in the future,” he explained.
He insists that his girlfriend is so unintelligent that he can’t really stand her anymore.
Throughout their time together, he’s been left to plan everything alone, like their two-month vacation to Europe, down to where they should go out to eat on their date nights.
He is not a controlling kind of guy; his girlfriend just looks to him to be almost a parent to her. He’s helped her write her resume, showed her how to apply for different jobs, and even makes her healthy lunches she can take to work.
He wishes he didn’t have to do literally everything for his girlfriend, but she’s thrilled with this arrangement. He’s attempted to ask her to step up multiple times, but she responds that she doesn’t know anything, and she’s not wrong.
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“This, however, isn’t even that bad, as I mentioned, I’m used to planning and doing everything for us; it’s just become my role. However, as the years have gone by, I’ve always known her intelligence wasn’t very ‘high,'” he added.
“Pretty basic things are a struggle for her. She doesn’t understand directions at all; her mathematics is really bad ([she] struggles with 21+25). Even though we have been to Rome in Italy, she asked me if Rome is its own country.”
“I was in disbelief the other day when she thought that the sun rises in the north and sets in the north every day. Seriously, how can somebody who has lived here for 25 years think that’s true? I will tell her things that are important to me, and she will forget them, and I’ll need to re-explain them a week later.”
One time, his girlfriend got mad at him because her job required her to utilize fractions, which she did not understand. He tried to teach her, but she argued she did not need to learn it.
She has zero emotional intelligence, too, and he is concerned that if he does have kids with her one day, she won’t be able to help their kids at all. He can picture her actually teaching their kids incorrect information in lieu of valuable knowledge.
He tries to correct his girlfriend in an effort to be supportive, but she says he makes her feel like an idiot. So, he’s just kind of done with her.
“I have tried to help her with simple tasks, but her unwillingness to learn is what is affecting me. I have spoken to her about this many times, but nothing is changing,” he continued.
“I just don’t know how to feel; she loves me a lot, and it would destroy her breaking up, but I just don’t feel happy anymore.”
He already knows the answer; he’s just afraid of how much it will hurt her. Staying in a relationship where he feels resentful, drained, and increasingly disconnected isn’t fair to anyone.
I think he should end things before marriage and kids tie them together even more. Breaking up now will be painful, but it gives them both the chance to find partners who are a good fit.
Love alone doesn’t build a future if respect and compatibility aren’t there, and it sounds like he’s already past the point of being able to regain his happiness with her.
What do you think he should do?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
