If your spouse divorced you, got married to someone else, had that fall apart quickly, and then came crawling back while saying they regretted leaving you and wanted another chance, would you give it to them?
This man’s wife divorced him three and a half years ago, and they have a daughter together. They spent two years dating and two and a half years married.
The reason his wife left him was that he was quite sick for the majority of their time spent together, and his now ex-wife grew indifferent to his health.
She felt like he wasn’t meeting her expectations or her needs, and he had countless nights where he was wide awake in pain, which bothered her. And she eventually grew tired of him.
“Recent events: She remarried someone last year, but that marriage ended within a couple of months. She’s now asking to reconcile, saying she regrets divorcing me,” he explained.
“How I feel: I want to be a good father and keep our daughter stable and cared for. At the same time, I feel hurt, and it feels like she didn’t fully consider her decision before remarrying someone. That makes me unsure whether reconciliation is the right move.”
“What I’m looking for: Has anyone been through something similar? How did you decide whether to forgive and reconcile or keep your distance? What questions should I ask her before making a decision? What are red flags that reconciliation might fail, and what signs suggest it could work?”
He needs to stop and think about exactly why his ex-wife wanted out of their marriage; she did blame him, and she found another man, yet couldn’t keep that relationship together.
It worries me that she most likely views him as stable or the safe option, and that’s why she wants another shot with him. She’s just feeling nostalgic, and once she’s over being sad about her recent marriage ending, she very well may leave him all over again, especially if his health is still a problem for him.
But if he truly wants to entertain the idea of giving his ex-wife a second chance, they should go to marriage counseling and get professional help. In the process, they should not tell their daughter that they’re trying to work it out.
Because if they fail, that’s going to be a whole new world of heartbreak and disappointment for this poor kid to go through. Like they should wait an entire year before letting their daughter know they’re reconciling, otherwise it’s not fair, and it puts her at risk. It’s difficult enough for a child to have to live through their parents splitting up once.
What advice do you have for him?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
