When you finally get your own place with your partner, the last thing you want is to turn into their parent. But that’s exactly what happened to this 22-year-old woman after her boyfriend, who’s also 22, quit his job and left her to practically act like his mom.
For some background, they decided to start living together one year ago and agreed to split all their expenses. Then, after about two months, her boyfriend went back on his promise.
One day, he called her from his job, saying he wanted to quit. She begged him not to leave that position until he secured a different job and made it clear that she wouldn’t take care of him.
“He swore up and down I wouldn’t be and quit his job. And now, he has been unemployed for 10 going on 11 months,” she said.
Ever since, she’s been responsible for paying for everything, from house bills and entertainment expenses to even her boyfriend’s nicotine. According to her, her boyfriend has only pitched in for groceries about three times.
This has been particularly stressful because, within the last year, she also gained custody of her 14-year-old brother, which added even more emotional and financial stress to her plate. So, she’s continued urging her boyfriend to get a job and talking about how much she’s struggling with money, yet he still hasn’t made a change.
“Eventually, I got to the point where I felt worn to the seams and had not been as nice as I used to be. I don’t want the same affection, and I snap at him over the ‘little things,'” she detailed.
These “little things” include her boyfriend playing games all day, every day, leaving her to come back to a dirty home after work. It infuriates her that he does nothing around their place, especially because they’d agreed that he’d make dinner and tidy up.
She claims that she already keeps her home quite clean to begin with, so all her boyfriend really has to do while she’s at work is prepare dinner and take care of the mess in the kitchen afterward. However, he can’t even do that and always leaves leftover ingredients to spoil on the counter.
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What finally pushed her over the edge more recently, though, was an issue with her boyfriend’s car. She had to use the vehicle to travel to and from work for a few weeks, and one night, a repo man took the car.
She came to learn that her boyfriend hadn’t been making his car payments, which left her out of work for more than a week and a half!
Now, you’re probably asking how her boyfriend could even afford a car while unemployed. He supposedly received a “handsome” settlement after an encounter with an officer a couple of years ago.
“I questioned why he would not be paying if he has the money, and he said he just ‘forgot to switch info over for payment and didn’t get notifications because I don’t have a phone,’ and he will ‘just get a car off of marketplace, no big deal,'” she recalled.
Well, that was a massive deal to her. She started wondering why her boyfriend had never withdrawn some money to help support them, given that he had the funds to easily purchase another car.
That’s why, after arriving at home from a long work shift the other night, she’d had it. There were dirty dishes in the bedroom, hair clogging their bathroom sink, and their dogs hadn’t been let outside in a while.
Her boyfriend’s lack of effort pushed her over the edge once and for all, and she told him off.
“You need to go back to your [freaking] parents’ house since you want to be babied so badly. I’m done being your mommy!” she stated.
“And you won’t even take care of yourself. It’s not fair that my brother and I are losing out on things because I’m trying to be your mommy, too!”
If you couldn’t have guessed, her boyfriend didn’t understand where she was coming from, either, and just accused her of being mean. And now, she’s genuinely unsure of whether she’s overreacting.
“I know it’s like, well, you’re stupid for doing it, but I’m the type who had to take care of their family their whole life, and if I don’t, I feel immense guilt. Oldest surviving daughter of a thrown-off family, if you will,” she vented.
Still, she can’t help but wonder whether calling her boyfriend a baby and telling him to go back to his mom was rude or actually justified in this situation.
Does it sound like their relationship is clearly imbalanced? Is it unhealthy for her to stay with her boyfriend in this capacity? If you were in her shoes, would you break up with him?
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By Katharina Buczek
Katharina Buczek graduated from Stony Brook University with a degree in Journalism and a minor in Digital Arts. Specializing in... More about Katharina Buczek
