He knows she’s growing up, but that’s not the issue; it’s walking through the front door and seeing his tween daughter dressed like she’s trying to get into a club.
Maybe that sounds harsh or makes him the uncool dad, but the world doesn’t protect girls like it should, and if his daughter’s going to be seen a certain way by strangers, he refuses to be the parent who shrugged and said “whatever, it’s just clothes.”
This man has a 12-year-old daughter whom he shares with his ex, and they split up a decade ago. They share custody, but as his daughter has grown up, she’s gotten more of a say in where she spends her time.
Anyway, his ex has been purchasing his daughter clothing that he thinks is way too adult-looking for a tween. When his daughter comes to his house wearing short things that show off her body, he asks her to change.
While he knows his daughter is no longer a kid and can’t be expected to dress like one, he wants her to be decent and appropriate.
“She’s 12, when she’s older, she can wear whatever she wants, but under my roof, I don’t want her wearing clothes like that or going out to see her friends or my family in clothes like that,” he explained.
“I’ve spoken to her mum and she just says, ‘all the girls are wearing clothes like this now.’ But I really don’t like it as her father.”
“I’m not a tyrant about it, or at least try not to be. I simply tell her to go and change, and with her being the age she is, I get the eye rolls and the huffs and puffs, and the comments like ‘Oh my godddddd, Dad, you can’t tell me what to wearrrrr!'”
He hates that this is now a fight, and he’s not trying to be controlling or terrible. He’s actually a pretty flexible, chill parent aside from this.
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His daughter is clearly attempting to look older than 12, and he can’t stand that. He stayed quiet when his ex allowed her to dye her hair and wear makeup, but the outfits are taking things too far.
He’s also come to realize that his daughter is spending more and more time with his ex since his ex lets her get away with wearing whatever she feels like.
He doesn’t need to keep fighting about clothes; he needs to start talking about why they matter to him. Not in a rules-and-reasons kind of way, but in a way that makes her feel like she’s worth protecting, not policing.
Because the minute it turns into “go change,” I bet she stops listening. But if he can make it about respect, for herself, for the room she walks into, for the way people will treat her, whether she likes it or not, then maybe the message will stick and she won’t be so angry at him.
What advice do you have for him?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
