It’s easy to cheer for a dream when it comes with a diploma, looks structured, stable, and is something other people understand. But when your kid wants to chase something uncertain, risky, and nonlinear, it suddenly gets complicated. Especially when you’re the one being asked to foot the bill.
This 48-year-old woman shares three children with her 49-year-old husband: an 18-year-old daughter, a 20-year-old son, and a 23-year-old daughter.
Now, she and her husband came up with an arrangement long ago to support their kids financially during their time spent in college.
Meaning, she and her husband have agreed to pay for college tuition, groceries, and rent, as their children pursue higher education.
Her oldest finished her undergrad and is currently in medical school. She and her husband paid for their oldest’s undergrad, and now they’re paying for her to go to medical school, along with her living expenses.
As for her middle child, he’s still completing his undergrad, which she and her husband are footing the bill for. When he’s done, he’s going to grad school, and that will also be financed by her and her husband.
This brings us to her youngest, who has never been that interested in studying, unlike her older two kids. That being said, she’s done everything in her power to be supportive of her youngest daughter’s creative pursuits, including art and acting.
“She is supposed to enter college end of September, but she is now saying she would rather defer for a year to pursue theater/acting instead,” she explained.
“She had a long conversation with us when she broke the news and made a PowerPoint explaining everything she planned to do. She said she plans to move to LA for the year and promised that if things did not work out after the year, she would then go to college.”
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“The thing is, she expects us to finance everything like we did with her siblings. I said she could go, but we would not pay for it because we agreed to support our kids through college, which she is choosing not to attend.”
Her daughter is enrolled to pursue her degree in business management and economics, and she and her husband have already paid for her to go to this college.
Her daughter can’t defer, which means if she doesn’t attend her college this month, she will lose her spot and will have to reapply down the road if she changes her mind. Also, she and her husband will lose their money.
It’s too late for her daughter to enroll this fall at a college where she can major in theater, so that’s not a viable option here.
While her daughter’s college does offer a minor in theater arts, it’s not something the school is well known for, so that’s why her daughter feels a gap year would be a better decision.
“As for her plan, she has a few thousand TikTok followers, and she plans to focus on growing that to gain connections and exposure,” she added.
“She showed us some local acting groups/studios that offer internships that she plans to apply for. If that doesn’t work out, she mentioned joining classes or even volunteering to gain exposure.”
“She said that with all the free time, she would audition for anything and everything. I feel like there is no solid plan; she just plans to throw darts and see what sticks.”
She mentioned to her daughter that perhaps it would be best to go to college still in the fall, and then look into developing her acting career as a side hustle.
Her daughter argued that she needs to invest her undivided attention into acting for a minimum of a year, so that’s why college will no longer work for her.
Her daughter feels she’s being mean and favoring her other two kids, who are taking more traditional routes, given her refusal to pay for her daughter to go into acting.
Her oldest has since called her to say that she and her husband should support their youngest even though her career goals are not exactly normal.
“My husband is now leaning towards letting her go, saying, ‘What’s the harm in a year?’ But I feel strongly about this. LA is expensive, and I don’t want to waste money on a path that has no guaranteed return,” she continued.
“I don’t want to pay tens of thousands for something she could do on the side or later on. The rest of my family, besides my husband, who is trying to remain neutral, thinks I’m the [jerk] for not supporting her.”
I don’t think she’s being heartless. Her daughter is choosing something different, and different doesn’t have to mean cut off, but it also doesn’t mean blank check. Wanting to pursue your dream is brave, but asking your parents to bankroll it like it’s the same as college? That’s a harder sell.
I do believe that her daughter is being entitled and inconsiderate to not worry about the money she and her husband already put down for her to go to college later this month.
Do you think she’s the worst for not wanting to pay for her daughter to take a gap year and pursue an acting career?
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By Bre Avery Zacharski
Hi, I'm Bre, Chip Chick's CEO! I have a degree in Textile/Surface Design from The Fashion Institute of Technology, and... More about Bre Avery Zacharski
