Every day, therapists around the globe help people open up about their experiences, understand their life struggles, and receive validation for their feelings. But do you think “therapist speak” should have any place in a romantic relationship?
This 26-year-old woman doesn’t believe so, which is why her boyfriend’s habit of acting like a mental health professional during their conversations has been driving her nuts.
To paint the picture: she and her boyfriend, who’s 25, have been dating for six months. And over their past few months together, she’s realized that she cannot have a genuine discussion with him about any problems whatsoever.
Why? Well, whenever she tries to broach a serious topic or share something that’s upsetting her, he almost attempts to pacify her.
“Instead of actually acknowledging anything, he always says, ‘I understand how you might see it that way,’ or something along those lines, even if the issue is something like him being chronically late to everything,” she explained.
On top of that, her boyfriend argues that she shouldn’t form “assumptions.” But to her, it seems like he just tries to make himself the “bigger person” in all their conversations.
So, she’s not allowed to get even a little frustrated over something without her boyfriend trying to placate her.
“I don’t know if he means to, but it feels like he’s always talking down to me,” she admitted.
To make the situation even worse, this habit apparently only rears its ugly head in their relationship, and her boyfriend doesn’t act that way when his own guy friends have issues in their love lives.
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In fact, he’s quick to call girls who don’t get along with his friends “crazy” or “insane,” even though he knows that makes her uncomfortable.
“It feels like his friends can always [mess] up and have the right to be understood, but nobody else can,” she vented.
The dynamic between her and her boyfriend has left her feeling exhausted, too. All she wants is to be able to have a real conversation, in which he actually shares his own two cents.
Still, she doesn’t know how to talk to her boyfriend about this, since she’s worried he might just flip the script and turn the whole situation around on her.
Does it sound like their communication styles are incompatible? Do you think her boyfriend could change or not? What would you do in her shoes?
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By Katharina Buczek
Katharina Buczek graduated from Stony Brook University with a degree in Journalism and a minor in Digital Arts. Specializing in... More about Katharina Buczek
