Plenty of people aren’t interested in starting relationships with singles who already have kids, and that’s okay. But how would you feel if your boyfriend found out you had children when you first met, agreed to date you anyway, and then suddenly started demanding the tax credit and child support you received for them? Is that a big red flag?
This woman, who’s in her mid-thirties, has been facing the same situation with her boyfriend, Matt. And all his mixed signals have made her feel like she’s going crazy.
For some background, they’ve been together for seven years now, and when they initially met, she told Matt that she had two kids. He, on the other hand, had no children, but the fact that she was a mother didn’t stop him from wanting to date her.
Then, when they officially began going out, they started splitting their bills based on usage. For instance, Matt would only pay his share of groceries and household bills, while she covered the rest of the expenses.
Eventually, though, her boyfriend claimed that the process was “too complicated” and wanted them to begin splitting all bills equally. So that’s what they did, and for a while, it worked.
But more recently, Matt’s mood has been pretty volatile on a recurring schedule. According to her, every 28 days or so, he becomes verbally abusive, calling her names, yelling, and complaining about their finances.
Apparently, they keep their money separate, which was Matt’s idea since his ex-wife supposedly wiped out their joint account during his last relationship. They also earn around the same income, with Matt making slightly more due to yearly bonuses at his job.
Additionally, they’re both listed on their lease and evenly split the rent, as well as the payments on their cars. And when it comes to vacations, all their travel expenses are shared equally.
“I’ve tried paying more rent or more of the bills, but Matt sends the money back to me, telling me that he doesn’t need my money,” she added.
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Yet, every month, Matt starts grumbling about their finances again. And now, he actually wants to receive the tax credit and child support she gets for her own two kids.
She realizes that, at the end of the day, her children are hers, not Matt’s, and he does help out around the house. But he knew that she had kids before they even got involved, and it’s strange to her that these complaints only come up once a month. Meanwhile, the other weeks are totally fine, and her boyfriend has no issue sharing the cost of necessities.
“Matt hasn’t told me how he wants to see the child support and tax credit. He alludes to implying that he should pay less of the bills, and I should pay more. This feels weird to me,” she added.
Moreover, she tried telling Matt that, in order for him to receive the child tax credit, they’d have to get married first. But her boyfriend always has excuses as to why they can’t tie the knot.
First, he stated that she needed to “drop a dress size,” and then, he argued that he couldn’t marry her because she always put her kids first.
Thankfully, Matt doesn’t speak to her like that in front of her children, but regardless, she knows he acts emotionally unstable for at least one week each month. And honestly, it’s left her dumbfounded.
“I really don’t know what to do, and I feel like I’m going crazy,” she vented.
As a mother, isn’t it her job to put her kids first? Why do you think Matt switches up about their finances around the same time each month? What advice would you give her?
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By Katharina Buczek
Katharina Buczek graduated from Stony Brook University with a degree in Journalism and a minor in Digital Arts. Specializing in... More about Katharina Buczek
